Last Updated on October 7, 2022
1. Tatyana Ali
Age: 27
Hot in: Um, I want to say THE FRESH PRICE OF BEL-AIR but I might get in trouble, so…… let’s go with DORM DAZE as Claire
Where’s she go? I was pleasantly surprised when she turned up this year in GLORY ROAD but it seems too far between appearances for this incredibly hot singer/actress. Her recording career has taken most of her time lately but hopefully her return to the big screen isn’t wasted. She was dating young actor Jonathan Brandis for a while before he committed suicide in 2003.
2. Kristy Swanson
Age: 36
Hot in: BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER as Buffy
Where’d she go? I know she won that ridiculous SKATING WITH CELEBRITIES a little while ago but that’s not the Kristy I want back. I want the ‘PLAYBOY posing’ Kristy back. I want the ‘sex while driving a car in THE CHASE’ Kristy back. I want the ‘lesbian sex with Jennifer Connelly in HIGHER LEARNING’ Kristy back. I’ll even settle for another shot of her in a Hooters uniform from BIG DADDY.
3. Phoebe Cates
Age: 42
Hot in: FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH as Linda Barrett
Where’s she go? Everyone knows she showed up for GREMLINS and it’s sequel but what the hell was up with DROP DEAD FRED, and why didn’t she get naked in any of these films? It might have something to do with marrying Kevin Kline in 1989. Even so, it would have been great to see Phoebe continue acting into her mature years and not just appearing in my naughty day dreams every three minutes for two decades straight.
4. Jane March
Age: 33
Hot in: THE LOVER as The Young Girl
Where’d she go? After some of the greatest sex scenes ever filmed in THE LOVER and COLOUR OF NIGHT with Bruce Willis, Jane hasn’t done shit. It’s a shame that a face like that and some wonderful skills between the sheets, and in the bathtub, and underwater in the pool, and in the shower, have been wasted during her prime years.
6. Stacy Dash
Age: 40
Hot in: CLUELESS as Dionne
Where’d she go? First of all, this chick is 40?! She’s never really stopped acting since she starred as Richard Pryor’s daughter in MOVING back in 1988. That said, she definitely hasn’t been in enough. She has a teenage son with R&B singer Christopher Williams, the same guy accused of beating the shit out of Halle Berry. Chris blames the beatings on Wesley Snipes.
7. Mia Sara
Age: 39
Hot in: FERRIS BUELLER’S DAY OFF as Sloane Peterson
Where’d she go? Television, and lots of it. Most recently she appeared on an episode of CSI: NY and played Harley Quinn in the short lived BIRDS OF PREY. She married Sean Connery’s son in 1996, had a kid, and then divorced him in 2002. Her film career after FERRIS included a “Best Supporting Actress” Saturn award from the Academy of Science Fiction, Fantasy, and Horror Films for her performance in TIMECOP.
8. Donna D’Errico
Age: 38
Hot in: BAYWATCH as Donna Marco
Where’s she go? She’s flirted with movies but never really found a breakout role. As a host she has guided many a geek during BATTLEBOTS, been ogled by drunk assholes for MTV’s SPRING BREAK, and even gotten a few laughs on TALK SOUP. There’s talks about her building some sort of school for underprivileged kids in Cambodia but I couldn’t find anything but pictures in bikinis.
9. Mary Louise Weller
Age: 60
Hot in: ANIMAL HOUSE as Mandy Pepperidge
Where’d she go? The latest news I could dig up on Mary is twenty years old. At that time she was kicking it with her horses in a three-acre spread in Malibu and trying to get a movie made about the life of female jockey, Mary Bacon. I don’t think that ever worked out for her but she did get to taste Chuck Norris’ moustache in FORCED VENGEANCE in 1982.
10. Heather Langenkamp
Age: 41
Hot in: A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET as Nancy Thomson
Where’d she go? A little less “Scream Queen” than Jamie Lee Curtis, Heather quickly turned to television in between bouts with Freddy Krueger in the original ELM STREET, DREAM WARRIORS, and Wes Craven’s NEW NIGHTMARE. While that character lives on in comic books, Heather married special effects make-up artist David Anderson and runs the Malibu Gum Company, which sells trading cards depicting local surfing stars.
5. Nicole Eggert
Age: 34
Hot in: BLOWN AWAY as Megan
Where’d she go? It’s sad, but Nicole went from being the biggest crush I’ve ever had (Debbie Gibson comes close) while starring in CHARLES IN CHARGE and BAYWATCH during the late eighties/early nineties to delivering the worst line of dialogue I’ve ever heard in 2004’s DECOYS. After she busts in to save the day from hot female aliens she says “Baby got back-up!” Other than that, she still shows up in STUFF magazine once in a while.
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