Last Updated on August 3, 2021
1. The Jocks & The Nerds – REVENGE OF THE NERDS
The Nerds rule but the Jocks never seem to get the amount of respect they deserve in this film. In fact, thinking back, Ogre might be one of the greatest cinematic characters of all time. I always thought he and Booger should have had their own clique anyway.
2. The Greasers – THE OUTSIDERS
Was Fonzie a greaser? I just thought about this while looking at that picture above. Bottom line – I fucking love Fonzie and if he’s got any kind of involvement with this clique whatsoever, I’m moving them up a spot. Let me know.
3. The Plastics – MEAN GIRLS
Much like The Heathers, only exceptionally hot. They probably have the best name for their clique too. It labels them as superficial stuck-up bitches but whatever, at least they don’t sound as bad the next bunch.
4. The Fanboys – FANBOYS
The most modern clique there is. Soon, all of society will be separated by which movies they like. Pick your teams wisely, The FIGHT CLUB group seems cool but you’ll end up sweaty and naked with other men night after night. Me? I’m a GOONIE forever.
5. The Punks – RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD
I guess it’s not really all the punks as most of them were annoying as hell, just the one hottie-punk that gets naked and dances in the graveyard with her pink hair and the shaved carpet.
6. The Geeks – SIXTEEN CANDLES
I think every kid in grade 9 falls into this clique without even knowing it. They’re united by glaring social awkwardness and a fascination with women’s panties. After writing that last sentence I realized I’m still part of this group.
7. The Heathers – HEATHERS
I actually had a group like this at my school, The Bubbas. Just four giant dudes named Bubba that liked to fist-fight cows and smelled of pig’s feet. The fact that they were all brother-cousins kind of lessened their mystique.
8. The Bikers & Truckers – FROM DUSK TIL DAWN
My dad is convinced this is a real bar somewhere and wants to go there before he dies. The whole vampires will eat you aspect doesn’t even phase him. He also wants the car from ‘Night rider’, a pet Gremlin, and once tried out for The Ghostbusters. The man loves his beer.
9. The Goth Chicks – THE CRAFT
I’m so glad I missed out on the whole gothic douche-iness era of high school. Especially because they’re all, in fact, witches. As if my teenage love-life wasn’t shitty enough as it is, the last thing I needed was to have all my exes form a coven and cast spells on my nutsack at slumber parties.
10. The Housewives – EDWARD SCISSORHANDS
These chicks are almost too interested in the new neighbor. You’d think Edward had hands made of vibrators. How is that not a porno yet? I want an executive producer credit and a cameo. …….I just did some research and discovered EDWARD PENISHANDS. Bullshit.
Honorable Mention: The Socs – THE OUTSIDERS
I’ve come to appreciate the Socs more and more over time. A bunch of good lookin’ chaps that like to get drunk and pick fights with the slumdogs from the other side of town. There’s nothing wrong with any of this.
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