Last Updated on August 3, 2021
#1 – Martial Arts Tournament
With the background many of these actors have in martial arts and hand to hand combat fight scenes, why not have them all dropped on a mysterious island and force them to face off against one another, ENTER THE DRAGON style? These guys are buddies, but it would give an opportunity for Jet Li to fight Jason Statham again, a rematch between Dolph and Stallone, and even a chance for Van Damme to kick ass against one of the various MMA fighters in the cast. We all want to see a new BLOODSPORT and this would be an awesome way to do it.
#2 – Zombie Apocalypse
Bring on the undead! While THE EXPENDABLES have certainly faced off against cannon fodder in three movies, why not take any sympathy out and make them face an army of zombies! Up the gore but keep the one-liners. The series is already completely unrealistic, so take it over the edge and give us the most brutal and blood-soaked zombie scene since Peter Jackson’s DEAD-ALIVE!
#3 – Blaxploitation
There are plenty of classic actors from the 70s genre who would make a cool team. Maybe have Terry Crews have to assemble his own squad and pull in Melvin Van Peebles, Richard Roundtree, Fred Williamson, Robert Hooks, Jim Brown, and maybe Pam Grier. They may be too old for the action, but they could always shepherd a young team of emerging talent. Hell, throw Eddie Murphy in for a comeback role and you may have a winner. A slightly more serious BLACK DYNAMITE!
#4 – Pro Wrestlers
For whatever reason, professional wrestlers all think that they are actors but only a few have actually broken through like Dwayne Johnson. Still, you could easily populate a movie with these guys. Steve Austin appeared in the first EXPENDABLES, but bring him back as another character alongside Rowdy Roddy Piper and Hulk Hogan, maybe a few contemporary wrestlers, and throw them some weapons. Could make for a fun movie.
#5 – Science Fiction
The fake trailer for MACHETE…IN SPACE had it right: everything is better on a spaceship! Send these guys into orbit and have them fight an intergalactic foe, human or alien, and you have the ultimate popcorn cheese-fest. A lot of these guys have made shitty direct to Redbox flicks with the same premise, but put them all together with a halfway decent director and you may have a worthwhile movie.
#6 – Frat Pack
If the fight scenes from both ANCHORMAN movies didn’t prove it, well choreographed battles can be hilarious. Now, take the same approach to those Will Ferrell movies and put the same cast in THE EXPENDABLES and you have one hell of a movie. Imagine TROPIC THUNDER if the movie within the movie was what we actually got to see, but played for laughs. Bring Owen Wilson, Vince Vaughn, Will Ferrell, and all of the other contemporary comedic actors in and just have them improv the script for THE EXPENDABLES. That would be worth the price of admission.
#7 – Eastern Expendables
You could easily make any nationality their own EXPENDABLES movie, but why not go with an all Asian cast? You could have Jet Li’s character set up the team and pull in Jackie Chan, someone long discussed for a role in the franchise, along with any number of big actors from China, Korea, and Japan. Add Ken Watanabe and Chow Yun Fat and you have your movie halfway cast. That would be awesome. John Woo to direct, anyone?
#8 – Geriatric Commandos
SPACE COWBOYS proved even retired actors can kick some ass. While the EXPENDABLES squad is pretty damn old as it is, bring Donald Sutherland, Tommy Lee Jones, and Clint Eastwood back, maybe even Harrison Ford, Al Pacino, and Robert DeNiro and give these old coots some weapons and walkers. Christopher Lee and Plummer would make great additions as well!
#9 – Fallen Oscar Winners
Take any actor who has won an Oscar and done nothing with their career since and throw them a machine gun and a cigar. Cuba Gooding, Jr could lead the squadron alongside Halle Berry and they could try to redeem the pathetic excuse for an acting resume they have built in the years since winning the golden trophy.
#10 – Wes Anderson vs Paul Thomas Anderson vs Paul WS Anderson
That’s right: Directorial Expendables! Bring in filmmakers who are so completely different in scope and style and have them direct different aspects of a single film, similarly to how the Wachowskis and Tom Tykwer handled CLOUD ATLAS. The changing of aspect ratios has become a cool trick in some recent IMAX films, so why not changing genres in the same movie? Yeah, this one may be a bit ridiculous, but it would be totally cool, too.
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