HORROR TEN SPOT: Top 10 Scary Motels

Last Updated on August 3, 2021

This week’s list idea comes courtesy of AITH’s own Yao Ming – Ammon Gilbert. Dude hit me up a couple weeks back with the concept of scariest motels and my immediate reaction was – genius.

Now just to be clear, we’re talking mo-tels here. Not hotels, not hostels, not sleepy little out of the way houses. Just those wonderful places dotted along the highways and byways of any good road trip. Of course these are not the AAA rated brand.

So while there are many good things that go down in motels – hookers, drug deals, underage prom parties – this list is populated with instances where things get a little messy in less than fun ways.

If I miss your favorite road stop then make sure to spit bullets on where you like to stay below.

1. Motel Hello, MOTEL HELL

Stay here and your ass ain’t grass. It’s just buried up to the neck in grass and then turned into jerky. The main problem is that Farmer Vincent is so awesome and efficient that as long as he’s not cutting my vocal chords to keep me from screaming, I gotta root for him and Ida. Which means that if you are dumb enough to stay here, it’s unlikely anybody is going to go against the owners to help you even if they figure out what’s going down. I’ll try to catch a batch of smoked meats that you’re not in though. Just out of respect.

2. Pinewood Motel, VACANCY

F*ck me. Imagine yourself getting stuck at this sucker, especially with the responsibility of protecting a loved one. Creepy, bad ass mojo right there. And it’s made even worse by the fact that Luke and Kate are no wallflowers. You drop a couple underdeveloped teenyboppers into the situation and it doesn’t bother me so much. But seeing two very capable adults getting broken down like Tokyo when Godzilla attacks, that shite sticks with you.

3. Bates Motel, PSYCHO

I know, I’m gonna hear that this should be numero uno, but my problem with that is while the Bates Motel is certainly iconic, I’ve never personally found it scary. Hell, those “16 year-old” Chinese gymnasts could kick Norman Bates’ ass. So I give much respect for what it represents, but I actually wouldn’t be too freaked to stay there so I simply can’t give it the highest spot.

4. Two Unnamed Motels, JOY RIDE

An embarrassment of riches. First we get the poor “jaw ripped off” dude when our heroes play their initial practical joke. It’s an awesome use of sound design and flipped expectations. Then to bookend the madness we get the fun of a shotgun booby trap that promises to end the lovely Leelee Sobieski all too young. Speaking of which, I figured ya’ll wouldn’t hate me if I just threw a hot pic of her at the top of this entry

5. Motel, IDENTITY

No surprise once you get to the twist why this motel never has a specific name. No matter, since bringing a bunch of peeps with the same birthday together on a rainy night in a random road stop while murder is afoot gives plenty to love and fear even with a level of purposeful unspecificity. Plus Ray Liotta is running around, and let’s be honest, when weird shite is going down, that’s rarely a good thing.

6. Kahiki Palms Motel (Thanks Freddy), THE DEVIL’S REJECTS

Not so much scary as just creepy and unsettling, the motel scene in TDR is easily one of the most uncomfortable scenes I’ve ever watched in a movie of this type. It’s so matter of fact and yet brutally mean. If you know anybody who likes this bit then run away fast. If you know anybody who gets turned on by it then go ahead and give the police a heads up. Of course that’s not to say that the chick forced to wear her boyfriend’s face as a mask before getting splattered by a truck isn’t hilarious.

7. Halfway Travel Oasis, REEKER

The classic fear with an out of the way motel is that you’re going to get dirty sheets, nasty bathrooms and a general feeling of grime and decrepitude when you stay at one. Reeker of course takes it to the next level by essentially attacking the protagonists along with the audience utilizing rot and filth to excellent effect. Travel Oasis my ass.

8. Unnamed Oklahoma Motel, BUG

Anybody see this movie and not feel itchy afterwards? I know that I’m never stopping off at a motel in Oklahoma for any reason. Sure the flick, despite it’s marketing, wasn’t strictly horror, but it was definitely horrific and I can’t think of any time that I’ve found the thought of a roadside stopover much less appealing.

9. Roy’s Motel and Cafe, THE HITCHER

So much of what makes The Hitcher a great movie is not the big crazy moments, but the small moments when things have a chance to settle, and thus build. You find yourself with the characters realizing, Holy shite, this is really happening and it’s not going to end any time soon. So as you see, part of the genius of Eric Red is that while you think you’re getting a breather, he’s just setting you up to be completely and thoroughly f*cked.

10. Mountaintop Motel, MOUNTAINTOP MOTEL MASSACRE

Former insane asylum resident takes over a little scenic retreat and starts offing guests? Tasty. Sure there’s some obtuse attempts at killing to start with, but fear not because a sickle eventually comes into play. As deadly proprietors go, Evelyn is A-OK with me.