HORROR TEN SPOT: Top 10 Overrated Horror

July 17th 2009, 9:36pm

Last Updated on August 3, 2021

Props this week to Apex Lawncare for reminding me of a Top 10 I’ve meant to do for awhile. It’s time to look at some of the sacred cows that, at least on some level, deserve to be slaughtered.

No doubt some of you, maybe even many of you, will want to read me the riot act based on what’s to follow. But given the veritable love fest we’ve had over the last two articles, it’s time to stir things up anyway.

So let’s get this party started and look at some of the most overrated horror flicks out there. If you want to add your noms to the list, tell me what a mouth breather I am, or just chime in on how totally right I am, then spit those bullets below.

1. THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE

I can’t for the life of me figure out why people love this flick. It’s one of the few times I’ve truly felt a remake did a better job than the original. Not only are the characters completely uncharismatic, but the intensity of the film (outside of the first kill with the mallet which is bloody awesome!) just ain’t there. Overall it’s like 10 minutes of cool stuff and the rest is just boredom and pain.

2. THE SHINING

Jack’s amazing in this. No doubt about it. And some of the images at play are haunting for sure. Creepy twins, elevators spewing blood, axe’s tearing through bathroom walls, redrum, and “Here’s Johnny!” All great stuff. The problem is that the overall plot of the film is super superficial compared to the original work. Don’t believe me? Read it. Or at least watch the excellent mini-series. Kubrick’s a genius, but this was a minor effort with little to recommend it beyond, “Wow, Jack was great!”

3. THE AMITYVILLE HORROR

This clusterf*ck is just a godawful movie. If I ever manage to get the image of Rod Steiger fighting flies out of my mind then I’ll know I’ve found peace in my life. And I don’t give a shite that the “reality” hook of the book has been discredited. I only care if the movie does what it is supposed to do. And this movie my friends, does not.

4. THE HOWLING

Great effects no doubt. But great movie? Not so much. Sure the last line is awesome, and there’s some sexiness to be had, but overall we’re talking about hamhanded dialogue and overlong waits for the good stuff. Even SILVER BULLET is a more entertaining werewolf flick on balance. For that matter, so is TEEN WOLF. Want amazing effects to go with your wolvie craving? Get AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON. Want some cheap genre popcorn that will seem better than it is? Well here ya go.

5. THE OMEN

Classic and shouldn’ta been remade. Blah, blah, blah. Sure there are some seriously cool scenes in this sucker, but it’s also a slow boil to the point that you definitely find yourself checking the watch way too often for a classic. We like to react to any other evil kid movie like it’s some OMEN knockoff, but the reality is there’s much more to be done with the evil kid concept than what THE OMEN achieved

6. THE LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT

Shocking! Horrible! Torturous! Um, boring. Last House may have been sick and crazy in it’s time, but there’s hardly anything in the flick that you couldn’t show on network TV anymore. Any serious impact that might still exist is pretty much destroyed by goofy music and over the top performances. I’m not saying you should watch this with your mom, but don’t expect to be blown away either.

7. THE BIRDS

We might all have fallen victim to the Hitchcock mystique a bit with this one. I mean, how bad could it be? Well, pretty bad actually. The problem is that birds aren’t scary. You could put Hitchcock in charge of a movie about spoiled lunchmeat and it’s still just a movie about bad bologna. I get why he wanted to tackle the Earth run amok concept. It just wasn’t the right way to go about it. No offense Hitch.

8. THE DEVIL’S ADVOCATE

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve bitten my tongue while listening to someone go off on how awesome they think this movie is. And yeah I dig seeing Charlize get all naked, and the idea of Pacino as the Devil is awesome. But when it comes down to it, overacting and silly situations make this a ridiculous genre effort no matter how promising the box cover may seem.

9. SAW

This is somewhat painful to admit, because I’ve interviewed James Wan and think he’s one of the most awesome and sincere guys working today. But I just didn’t dig the first SAW. Traps and concept were cool for sure, but the overall pace and especially the acting fell flat for me.

10. PSYCHO

Don’t get me wrong here. PSYCHO is a great movie for what it is. Unfortunately so much has been taken from it that when you watch it nowadays the movie does not hold up. The scary scenes aren’t scary, the kills are in some ways kinda silly, and the end reveal, well it’s been pretty well revealed. I still think there are many reasons to watch the flick, but as an example of best of genre? Not so much.