Categories: JoBlo Originals

HORROR TEN SPOT: Top 10 Horror Movies That Should Be Remade

Well, AITH reader Adam Koetters is el fuego and shot us another great idea for this week. Well done sir! Clearly remakes have become the rage in Hollywood, both horror and otherwise. Hell, Spidey is getting a reboot already so the window of opportunity is closing all the time. It seems like soon we’ll be looking at the same movie being made twice with different directors and actors for release in concert with each other
But no matter how stupid Tinseltown gets with all this, the remake is here to stay, so perhaps instead of raging against the dying of the light, we should help ’em out. Give ’em a list of movies that should be remade.
So what the hell makes a movie worth being remade? Well, something with a good concept that was a bad movie of course. Or a great movie that hasn’t aged well and could be seriously awesome if updated by the right people. I expect this’ll get your brain pans sizzling, so spit bullets on what you’d like to see remade!

1. THE KEEP

Nazis getting slaughtered by supernatural evil, while at the same time Scott Glenn brings the pain for the good guys? And Michael Mann directed? How the f*ck did this movie not knock our collective socks off? The sad fact, though, is it didn’t. Instead we got a lot of dingy looking extras wandering around caves that would likely be later inhabited by Fraggles. The less said about the “monster” design the better. Give me a new KEEP, and get working on it now Hollywood!

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2. DEEP BLUE SEA

Too soon to remake this? Not these days. It’s not so much that the movie was bad, it wasn’t. In fact it was damn fun and had one of the best kills ever to boot. But the sharks were awful, and visual F/X are so much more advanced now that revisiting these killer Makos, especially in digital 3-D, could truly give us the killer shark movie we’ve all been waiting for since JAWS. Great underwater scares in an extra dimension, that sounds like a recipe for fun, and bank, to me.

3. IT

“Remake” a mini-series as a movie? Why not? All the rules have basically been broken already. And as awesome as Pennywise is in the TV version, the last half loses so much steam it’s depressing and the ending is just f*cking retarded. One of the tough things about adapting a King novel is the immense amount of detail, but transferring a mostly successful adaptation onto a larger stage should be easier and could easily give us the scariest damn killer clown movie of all time.

4. QUEEN OF THE DAMNED

INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE is one of the few movies I’ve seen that I thought was better than the book. So really, having the sequel turn into a metrosexual trek through MTV video mediocrity was disappointing to say the least. I can only imagine how pissed off fans of the book were. Now that vampires are all the rage again, there’s no reason someone shouldn’t take a shot at turning in a worthy sequel to the first film.

5. PUMPKINHEAD

Part PREDATOR, part ALIEN, this curse brings around a monster mash was disappointing largely because it could have been such a great twist on the slasher genre. Giving us a real badass, though admittedly derivative beast, and then letting him reign havoc with the feel of a stalker and the backing of some supernatural mojo has so much goodness going on that this genre loving heart nearly burst. Until I saw it, and even Lance Henriksen couldn’t save this steaming pile. Try it again? Yes, please.

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6. DOOM

Any time you have a video game adaptation that largely leaves the game behind, you have ample opportunity for a remake. The DOOM universe is certainly large enough for multiple takes, and why not give fans of the game the stuff that made them fans of the game? Added bonus, you could recast The Rock and get him out of this godawful “family” film tailspin.

7. MANIAC

Once again we’ve got a slasher that is much beloved in the genre because of it’s ridiculous brutality, causing many to overlook its significant flaws. Bad acting, somewhat silly set ups, direction that can charitably called rough, all result in what could be a helluva fun gore filled ride given a second chance. I’d love to see someone like Takashi Miike take a shot. Oooo, chills.

8. THE HAUNTING (1963)

A re-remake? Sure, why not? After all, despite a stellar cast and very cool concept, the remake sucked. This would be an opportunity for a very subtle and truly scary haunted house flick in the right hands. The original was a pretty terrible movie, but it used sound design and manipulated perspective to amazing effect when dealing with the odd goings on in the house. If you could get a studio and director with the patience and the faith to make this right, we could be looking at a new horror classic.

9. THE BURNING

Hardcore genre fans love this flick, largely because of it’s unbelievable brutality, and somewhat for the laundry list of people who show up here who would go on to bigger things, like Holly Hunter and Jason Alexander. With MBV doing so well, I think there’s a strong argument to made for revisiting lesser known slasher films. F13 and TCM, NOES and HALLOWEEN all come with a ton of baggage. But a mean piece like this is a perfect shot to the gut for today’s teens who seem to be souring on the toothless crap being shoveled their way. You also have one of the more involving origin stories here, which always helps when establishing a possible franchise villain.

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10. THE HIDDEN

Here’s a great, but seriously underseen movie that would benefit greatly in my estimation from a remake. Why? Because it’s whole vibe and look is super dated when you watch it now, which means that even people who are fortunate enough to discover it may not get as much out of it as the film’s concept and balls to the wall attitude deserve. How ’bout the studios keep TRANSFORMERS 3 in their pocket and give us a fresh look at this badass tale of a body jumping alien that loves Heavy Metal, fast cars, and destruction.

Tags: Hollywood

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Matt Withers