HORROR TEN SPOT: Top 10 Films 09

Last Updated on August 3, 2021

It’s always nice as a new year kicks off to take a moment to cleanse the crap that didn’t work in the last year, and in the case of genre projects, look forward to some of the more interesting flicks on the upcoming slate.

At the same time putting a list like this together is bittersweet because I know that most of these will not end up being very good. Yet hope springs eternal, because the ones that get it right should rock the Kasbah.

I’ll admit that I’m pretty shocked how many remakes and reboots I’ve got on this list, but they’re so ubiquitous in genre releases now that it’d be almost impossible to put together a list without a pretty healthy sampling. Besides, promising looking entries like THE RED MIST and DYING BREED are retreading such familiar ground that they’re not much removed from the straight remakes in concept anyway.

So is 2009 going to see anything new and exciting in horror? Probably not, but there’s plenty of opportunities to have a damn good time watching plasma fly. Spit bullets on what YOU are looking forward to below.

1. THE WOLFMAN

Why are werewolf movies so hard to pull off? Unlike vampire flicks, the hound-based mofo’s have a very difficult history. They usually blow ropey goat chunks, and even the classics tend to have significant flaws. As it stands though, Benicio del Toro is an actor I’ll check out in anything, and if it’s a genre throwdown then all the better. Toss in some Emily Blunt too? Nice. I’m betting on this being the best of this pack since GINGER SNAPS.

2. LESBIAN VAMPIRE KILLERS

Heh. Greatest title ever. Planned that way and the filmmakers just went with their genius marketing ploy. If this movie isn’t a truly great B-movie however, all people involved should be summarily executed and another crew brought on to make a movie with the same title. This sequence should be repeated until we get the LESBIAN VAMPIRE KILLERS movie we deserve.

3. MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3-D

3-D has never been a particularly successful gimmick, largely because you can’t really get immersed in a movie experience if a hand grabbing at you from the screen keeps reminding you that you’re watching a movie. And the footage I’ve seen of MBV3D so far looks as clunky as most 3-D set ups are. But the truth is I can’t wait to see this long awaited follow up to one of the most brutally good slashers the 80’s had to offer. I really hope I’m wrong about it sucking.

4. SORORITY ROW

I love fresh, unexpected horror, but in a time when that is offered to us less and less, I’ll take scantily clad chicas getting offed in gruesome ways too. Plus this flick was shot in New Orleans, which is one of my old stomping grounds. So I immediately support any project bringing life to that awesome city post-Katrina.

5. H2

Unlike many, I thought Zombie’s take on HALLOWEEN was a pretty good time. My main concern with the announced sequel is that I liked the Zombie-ish character development and plot takes of the first 2/3’s of the movie. When it got to the actual stalk sequences I was significantly less impressed. But Myers has been established in Rob’s unique way and will presumably spend a lot more time hunting people (in a hospital?) for this one. I’m worried it’ll simply be an unnecessary extension of the first. BUT, something had to bring Mr. Rob back into the fold, so here’s hoping it’s creative instead of financial.

6. NIGHT OF THE DEMONS

I’m psyched for this project for two main reasons. First, I’ve never dug the original all that much. I know it’s sacrilege to say that, but something about the tone just missed all the way for me. It’s the kind of flick I should love, but in this case I didn’t. Second, the cast has Shannon Elizabeth, Diora Baird and Monica Keener, all of whom are guaranteed to spend most of the run time either naked or in perfectly acceptable states of revealing outfits. I can’t help it. I’m a dude. That list of ladies in a pic of this type guarantees I’m not missing it.

7. LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT

If you’re going to do a remake then this is the way to do it. Pick a project that was intense, brutal, but substantially flawed, and re-do it with more money and a talented cast. The mere presence of Tony Goldwyn as the avenging dad pretty much has me sold on this sight unseen, but now that we’ve gotten a look at the trailer I’m thinking this could be legitimately awesome.

8. FRIDAY THE 13TH

Most of the Friday the 13th sequels are basically remakes anyway, so that tag hardly counts as a mark against this sucker. My concern is this kung-fu fighting Jason I’m seeing with his fast moves and gazelle-like leaping. That just doesn’t feel like Jason to me. I’m pretty sure this’ll be an effective slasher movie, but will it be a worthy entry into the F13 cannon? I have my doubts.

9. THE UNINVITED

My head knows that remakes have a spotty history and PG-13 horror movies suck giant, hairy, crab-infested balls. But my heart can’t ignore the presence of Elizabeth Banks, Arielle Kebbel, and David Strathairn. Plus the original wasn’t gore dependent so maybe the PG-13 won’t hurt it too much. Yeah right. At the very least this will prove once and for all if it is possible to make tween accessible horror something that a real genre fan can stomach.

10. THE NECROPOLITAN

This guaranteed trip to gore town is the completion of a trilogy that began with EVILUTION (which I didn’t care for), and continued with BASEMENT JACK (a helluva fun time despite significant flaws). Given how much better Jack was than Evil, I’m hoping a similar positive progression shows up to support what should be one of the most skillful and creative bloodbaths in recent memory. If you want some insight into the madness in store check out this recent casting notice for the flick. Good times!