HORROR TEN SPOT: Top 10 Bisections

By Matt Withers

June 13th 2008, 12:57pm

Last Updated on August 3, 2021

DVD Pub’er Pat Torfe shot me an email the other day that led to a conversation along these lines:

PAT: You know what’s awesome?

ME: What?

PAT: Motherf*ckers getting bisected!

ME: Too true.

PAT: Top 10 list?

ME: Hell yeah!

So here you go my friends. Nothing fancy about this list. Just a good old fashioned fun time looking at some of the best ways that suckers have gotten chopped, diced, sliced, cut, gutted, axed, ripped, shredded, and plain done in through bodily separations.

Got your own faves? Spit bullets on ’em below!

1. GHOST SHIP

You know why GHOST SHIP didn’t really grab me overall. Because the opening scene was so incredibly outstanding that the rest of the movie had little chance to live up to it. I mean when you start with a scene of a full dance deck on a cruise ship getting cut in half by steel wire, where do you go from there? This is simply one of the finest mass death events in any movie ever. Bonus for you guys and gals is that some sick bastard attached Celine Dion’s My Heart Will Go On to the festivities which actually rocks even more. Enjoy!

2. THIR13EN GHOSTS

Ben tries to steal money. Ben accidentally releases ghosts. Ben gets caught between two sliding glass doors (or coronal planes I guess). I have never in my life loved a lawyer in a movie as much as I was lovin’ Ben when the front half of his body slid down the glass while I got to peep his insides. For pure single chop style, this is the best bisection I’ve ever seen.

3. WRONG TURN 2: DEAD END

I didn’t know who the f*ck Kimberly Caldwell was before I saw WT2, but I sure as hell would have voted for her on American Idol if I knew we had a future scream queen airing out her pipes on that show. She not only sends up the bitchy reality priss image, but also gets chewed on, chopped up and then dragged away in a scene that taught me you can be entertained by a body being dragged away. Who knew? Well done Ms. Caldwell.

4. RESIDENT EVIL

The laser grid is one of those scenes that is just about perfectly executed. The jeopardy is real and immediate. It also escalates quickly and achieves a very acceptable body count in a manner of seconds. Plus it’s cool as hell and the audio is completely revolting. An absolute treat.

5. SLITHER

Wait, what just happened? Did Michael Rooker just whip that dude with a tentacle or something? Oh, no way. He sliced the f*cker in half! Did you see how he just, and all the insides kinda, and wow that was awesome.

As you can tell I am very easily amused.

6. THE HITCHER

There is only one reason that Jennifer Jason Leigh getting split open like a ripe melon isn’t #1 on this list. And it’s not that you don’t see the sauce, because you don’t need it to drill this horrific bisection home. No, it’s simply because this is a fun list, and this scene ain’t fun. I could watch every other chop-a-block here on a loop and enjoy each one immensely time and again. But Eric the Red made a scene that still makes me cringe even though I’ve seen it so many times I know the beats by heart. I swear as insane as it is, every viewing I end up hoping maybe she’ll make it this time. She never does.

7. JASON GOES TO HELL: THE FINAL FRIDAY

When are these teens going to learn that you shouldn’t f*ck in a tent? Otherwise a Jason-slug possessed dude will most likely come along, jam a pole through the girl and literally tear her a new one. How many times does this sort of thing have to happen before these kids learn better?!

8. SILENT HILL

What’s an appropriate way for an annoying and insane chica to go down to Chinatown? Suspended in the air by barbwire, gutted and then ripped in two is a pretty solid idea IMHO. When you add in a girl dancing in the falling blood how can you not love it? SILENT HILL may have featured a lot of exposition, but when it decided to rip, it f*cking ripped.

9. HELLRAISER: HELLWORLD

Not the best or the worst of the HELLRAISER series, HELLWORLD is largely content to play mind games and keep any genre fan happy with a fair amount of Lance Henriksen up in the hizouse. But after slogging through an hour and a half that feels more like an adult Scooby-Doo episode than a true HELLRAISER entry, the Cenobites do show up in force. And they face off with Lance. And they cut his shite into pieces. And it is awesome!

10. BLADE II

The ass kicking that Wesley Snipes hands down throughout the BLADE movies is some of the finest the genre has ever seen, but when it comes to denouements, the way he cuts to the chase with Reinhardt is beyond awesome. Well set up, cool looking and slick as hell. The only downside is that the vamp crisps away instead of giving us a satisfying splatter in death.