Categories: JoBlo Originals

HORROR TEN SPOT: Top 10 Bedroom Kills

We all know that horror and sex go together like The Arrow and strippers, but despite that long tradition of bumping uglies leading to ugly bump off’s, there are surprisingly few instances of bedroom kills. Maybe it’s the fact that teenagers have to get a bit more creative about where they pursue their nookie so as not to get caught by mom and dad.

You hear that parents of the world? Let your kids have sex in the house and they’re less likely to end up fodder for a maniac! Still, that doesn’t mean that the bedroom is sacrosanct. In fact there are some downright messy kills that effectively use that place where the magic happens.

So let’s take a trip to see just what nastiness can hide below the bed, under the covers, and right above our sleeping heads. A couple of these scenes eluded my efforts to find a suitable clip, so if you know a good place for your fellow horror hounds to sniff out a taste of what I’m laying down, spit some links and bullets below.

1. FREDDY VS. JASON

Viciously stabbed to death and then cracked in half by a fold up bed? Count me in. When I first saw this scene I was so jazzed that it actually carried me through most of the bumps that a problem filled middle act provided. In fact the only way to make it any better would be to have the same scene featuring lesbians 69’ing each other before getting sliced and jack-knifed. Maybe in the sequel if that ever comes to pass.

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2. SPECIES

General consensus around the AITH camp is that f*cked to death by Natasha Henstridge is a pretty good way to go. The fact is it’s just about perfect as far as good times horror goes. You’ve got the hot woman, ample nudity, pretty believable sexy, and then terror of the how the hell can she be pregnant kind, followed by bloody mayhem and terror of the oh shite my c*ck is in a homicidal alien kind. What’s not to love? And yes I know it was a hotel room instead of a “bedroom”, but to me it’s basically the same thing.

3. TWITCH OF THE DEATH NERVE

The great bloody set pieces that all good slashers manage to provide owe an unpayable debt to a movie with as many titles as I have sexual partners I regret. So we’ll go with my fav. And since the awesomeness that is the bedroom spearing pictured at the top of the article has eluded my grasp, just enjoy some good old fashioned Voorhees fun and look for the obvious homage.

4. HALLOWEEN

Both versions of the film nailed Lynda’s death, although I went with the newer, nudier look for the clip above. Admittedly you can’t beat PJ Soles hot and playful approach to a scene that both launched and killed a lot of boners. But Kristina Klebe is no slouch either, and she shows bush, so I have great affection for both visions.

5. A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET

It’s no surprise that the NOES series has made a habit of offing people in their sleeping quarters given the subject matter. We’ve seen waterbed deaths, dragged across the ceiling deaths, hot nurse deaths, and lots of other fun reasons to feel uncomfortable come sleepy time. But for pure gutcheck surprise it’s hard to beat Johnny Depp getting dragged down into his bed by Freddy’s claw, and then spewing insane amounts of blood into the air.

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6. HIGH TENSION

This is an instance where a different perspective provides a unique experience of the goings on. Usually we are put in the shoes of the victim being stalked, and thus hope for them to escape, or at least put on a good show before expiring. But since our perspective here is watching a victim we know has no chance of escape, we sort of just want her to die quickly. Of course she doesn’t. She dies slowly and very messily. Like the best horror it’s very hard to watch.

7. THE EXORCIST

Not the most exciting deaths ever – heart failure, jump out a window – but the tension of this scene as young Regan is nearly destroyed, but ultimately freed from the evil spirit residing inside her is outstanding. Not only does that whole good vs. evil battle build up to this violent and unexpected climax, but it also leaves us unsure about how we feel. Solid stuff.

8. THE GRUDGE

Poor, poor Susan. The grudge biatch doesn’t seem to play by any rules, so this nice, helpful lady gets rodgered but good for very little reason other than it’s f*cking terrifying. It’s probably been since The Godfather that I’ve found myself this unpleasantly wigged out by what somebody discovered under their sheets. I mean even knowing what awaits, the damn scene still gets me every time.

9. BRIDE OF CHUCKY

It’s not too often that a movie finds a way to off characters that I’d never really contemplated before, but this one was creative, surprising and just plain awesome! Those honeymoon suite mirrored ceilings are such a great brand of cheesy fun anyway that smashing one to kill the deserving suckers below it is just poetic. I am glad that no one pulled that on the wife and I at the Tropicana in Vegas though.

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10. DAWN OF THE DEAD (remake)

What a f*cked up way to start a movie. Clearly Snyder knew that if he was going to pull off a remake of a Romero classic he was going to have to hit early and hit hard to get the audience to give him a chance. And that he did. You think you’ll ever have a worse start to your day than watching an undead child bite your spouse, who then gets a bit ravenous too and wants to eat you in the not good way? If so then please get counseling…now!

Tags: Hollywood

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Matt Withers