Last Updated on August 3, 2021
So this week we’ll look at the ladies who lay down the law like a pissed off Catholic school nun, and look anywhere from pretty good to downright amazing while they do it. These aren’t chicks you trifle with. These are women you marry. If they will have you. Which they won’t.
So let’s get right to the list, and since I know you all have some opinions to share here, spit those bullets. Preferably with links, y’know!
4. Carrie White, CARRIE
It takes awhile for Carrie to find her balls, and it’s almost cringe inducing how much abuse she takes before finally letting go. But when she does get the party started it is brutal, scary and 100% bonafied. This girl is a force of nature, and forces of nature are not to be trifled with. I find it mildly disturbing how good she looks covered in blood and massacring her school, but damn it is pretty hot.
3. Sarah Connor, TERMINATOR 2: JUDGMENT DAY
The audible gasp in the theater when Sarah Connor came on screen was a testament to how different she looked from the first film. Linda Hamilton had taken a regular single woman and transformed her into a taut killing machine bent on protecting her son and preventing the apocalypse. This was no idle makeup job. This was a DeNiro worthy piece of physical acting. She’s gonna tell you what to do, and you’re gonna like it.
2. Selene, UNDERWORLD
UNDERWORLD could have been awful, and no one would have cared because the human brain, male and female, more or less short circuits at the phrase, “Kate Beckinsale in skin tight leather.” Sure it’s a bonus that Selene is one talented, werewolf hunting, she-vamp. And it never hurts to watch an iconic figure get to work within a strong story line. But at the end of the day the only thing that really matters is Kate Beckinsale in skin tight leather. Yum.
1. Ellen Ripley, ALIENS
Is there anyone who loves film that didn’t get a massive adrenaline rush from Ripley spitting out, “Get away from her you bitch!”? It’s such an awesome moment of righteous anger and female empowerment as Ripley fully sheds her sexy white undies image from the first film and claims her role as take-no-prisoners xenomorph nightmare.
10. Sidney Prescott, SCREAM
The lack of enthusiasm for the fourth installment in the SCREAM series seems like a good indicator of how played out the franchise feels now, but there’s no denying how fresh it felt when the original came out. Especially watching our heroine Sidney fight back hard against Ghostface. This was no damsel in distress. This was a hellcat who was ready to fight for survival, even after giving up her V-card.
9. Eli, LET THE RIGHT ONE IN
Despite the fact that Eli is simultaneously too young and too old to date, she is about as amazing a chick as a young boy could find. Sweet, pretty, mysterious, and ready to unleash hell on anyone who f*cks with her few friends. Besides, how many women do you know that are willing to bleed from the face for you? Not many I hope, but there’s something deeply touching about Eli’s willingness to do anything for Oskar.
8. Sarah, THE DESCENT
Sure Juno is the obvious Alpha Babe on this expedition, but she’s also a total douchebag which takes away from her appeal. Sarah on the other hand. Well she starts off as the soft-spoken, put upon cuckold in the group, but ends up finding her inner warrior in a big way. When she ultimately takes her revenge on the woman who banged her husband it is a decision that is cold and ruthless. She has become a woman who is not to be f*cked with.
7. Clarice Starling, THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS
How’d you like to go toe to toe with the scariest human predator on the planet, and then get jizzed on by a crazy person? Oh, and did I mention that neither of these gents is the guy you’re actually trying to catch? Just another day in the life of our intrepid FBI investigator. The fact that she doesn’t collapse in a heap of despair after her first day on the Buffalo Bill case is a testament to her strength. And not for nothing, Foster has never looked better.
6. Cherry Darling, PLANET TERROR
Machine gun leg? Yes, please. And when you attach it to the gorgeous Rose McGowan with hardly any clothes on the deal just gets better. She spins, she jumps, she mows down fields of zombies with her pure badass self. It’d be slightly cooler if she had armed herself instead of getting it as a present from her boyfriend, but still, once equipped she got down to business.
5. Alice, RESIDENT EVIL: EXTINCTION
It would be pretty wrong not to have the chick who inspired the list, on the list. Alice goes through various iterations as she progresses through the series, but in the third she hits full throttle awesomeness. Watching her work guns, knives and superpowers all while rocking desert gear garters is a helluva lot more fun then just perving on stuck up chicks in bikinis (I’m looking at you Miami). Give me this tasty slice of post apocalyptic pie any day of the week.
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