Last Updated on August 5, 2021
#1 Godzilla
This was one of the biggest f*** ups in Hollywood history. By taking the classic GODZILLA and completely bypassing it for a JURASSIC PARK looking dinosaur, Roland Emmerich alienated every fan of the Japanese original. With word coming down that Legendary Pictures and director Gareth Edwards (MONSTERS) will be making a GODZILLA related announcement at Comic-Con, this may be our chance to see Gojira seriously mess up North America. Just make sure he LOOKS like Gojira.
#2 The Last Starfighter
THE LAST STARFIGHTER is a movie I always expect people to recognize when I mention it but the vast majority have no clue what I am talking about. It has everything: video games, aliens, space battles, war scenes, and the potential to be a franchise. I had this movie on my list of films that deserve sequels, but a remake would work as well. THE LAST STARFIGHTER is one of the few movies that I remember almost verbatim from my childhood. If you haven’t seen it, check it out and tell me if you can’t envision an awesome remake. Similar to GREEN LANTERN, you have a human character pulled into an intergalactic war that he didn’t even know was going on. Unlike GREEN LANTERN, this movie would not require lengthy exposition as to the back story. Just throw the hero into a spaceship and let the lasers fly.
#3 Catwoman
Good lord, what a piece of shit. I mean, how do you fuck up CATWOMAN? It should have been a slam dunk. But, fuck it up they did. This should be one of the easiest remakes since Christopher Nolan has already grounded Catwoman in reality. Take Anne Hathaway and have her star in a spin-off. That way you can capitalize on THE DARK KNIGHT RISES success and venture into the same world without needing Nolan beyond a producer capacity. Now, I haven’t seen THE DARK KNIGHT RISES yet, but I think a Selina Kyle cat burglar character would work in pretty much any setting. Just get a good antagonist for her to square off against and you should have a slam dunk.
#4 Demons
Over the last couple of decades, Hollywood has worn out the Asian horror remakes. One international genre they never touched (until the recent SUSPIRIA remake was announced) is Italian horror. Dario Argento crossed over briefly in the nineties but there are quite a few good Italian horror movies that would make good remakes. The film DEMONS is a perfect example. While I love both DEMONS and DEMONS 2, they offer two great setups. What if you were trapped in a movie theater where the film itself was turning the audience into monsters? The second film takes the same conceit and puts it into an apartment building. Even if it never happens, if you are reading this you now have a couple of new movies to check out.
#5 Super Mario Bros
This “movie” is such horseshit that I can barely bring myself to say anything about it. I don’t know if a new SUPER MARIO BROS movie would even qualify as a remake since this “film” has pretty much nothing to do with the classic Nintendo game outside of character names. Not even the great Bob Hoskins could save this movie. His name is Mario Mario? Really? F*** you! This movie raped my dreams of a big screen Mario movie. So, there is still a chance. The movie may not literally translate the game, but at least keep it close. This should be remade now.
#6 Dune
They have been trying to remake DUNE since the day David Lynch’s version hit theaters. Although there were a couple of SyFy original mini-series that did a better job of adapting Frank Herbert’s novels, they failed in the special effects department. While a direct remake keeps getting shelved, maybe a prequel/reboot would do the trick. Herbert’s son has been penning prequel novels for several years now that lead into the DUNE story. They could possibly serve as a good entry point to this massive franchise. Just remember, the spice must flow!
#7 Fahrenheit 451
Mel Gibson was going to remake FAHRENHEIT 451 but something tells me he would not be a very good choice to film a movie about censorship. The late Ray Bradbury did not live long enough to see this important novel brought to life in the way it deserves. The Christian Bale action flick EQUILIBRIUM is the closest thing to a remake that we have had, but a true to the test adaptation is what we are waiting for. Much like Orwell’s 1984, FAHRENHEIT 451 is as relevant today as ever. Here’s hoping that Baz Luhrmann’s THE GREAT GATSBY is successful and ushers in a slew of remakes of classic novels.
#8 Howard the Duck
I have fond memories of watching HOWARD THE DUCK on VHS as a kid during rainy summer days. It was funny, had profanity, and a talking duck. For a kid, that is awesome. Plus, the horrific, Lovecraftian villain at the end scared me shitless. Oh, and Lea Thompson gave me one of my first boners. But, despite all of that, the movie was bad. Really bad. The Marvel comic character of Howard is so much more than what the movie portrayed that they could remake this and do it right. With the advances in motion capture they could make Howard look completely realistic and still tell a fantastic and strange story. With Disney owning Marvel now, I doubt they would risk making this movie and still calling it HOWARD THE DUCK. Maybe they can slip him into THE AVENGERS 2 and see how it goes.
#9 Flash Gordon
With JOHN CARTER flopping, I doubt a studio will finance a FLASH GORDON remake seeing as they share a lot of similarities. But, Flash Gordon is a much better known character and could easily be updated in a way that is both reverential to the classic character as well as modernized for 21st century audiences. I debated as to whether I should put FLASH GORDON here versus BUCK ROGERS or THE SHADOW, but any of those old school heroes would make for a quality summer action franchise.
#10 Cleopatra
The closest movie I can compare CLEOPATRA to is TITANIC. Both films were massive scale epics of daring filmmaking that paid off even if the movie itself left something to be desired. CLEOPATRA is not a terrible film by any means, but you can see the money was spent on everything else aside from the screenplay. Since the story of Cleopatra is a historical one, a remake would be more in name only. I would think it would be a safe bet that if you make a massive epic that is a love story you will get the same kind of box office as TITANIC. Especially if you cast Leonardo DiCaprio as Caesar.
#11 Speed
Another good action movie franchise destroyed by an utterly shitty sequel. I liked SPEED a lot. Keanu Reeves was still borderline surfer dude in this movie but it worked. Dennis Hopper was over the top perfection and Sandra Bullock was, well, Sandra Bullock. The best thing about SPEED is you can reboot it without worrying about being a copy. SPEED was called “DIE HARD on a bus” and since every movie has been “SPEED on a (insert vehicle here)”. Take the basic structure and try it again and do it without CGI. The action in SPEED feels so much more thrilling because it was done with practical effects and skilled stuntmen.
#12 Tango and Cash
I am sure you are all ready to rip me a new one for putting TANGO AND CASH on this list, but hear me out. Yes, the original is a cult classic, but it is very dated. We have not had a successful buddy cop movie since the RUSH HOUR series and that was pretty much comedy first with a tiny bit of action. Remaking TANGO AND CASH could go one of two ways. You could either take the same character types and recast with younger actors or capitalize on Stallone’s return to the spotlight and have him and Kurt Russell play the same characters but much older. Either way would work, but I would much rather see a rebooted TANGO AND CASH than LETHAL WEAPON without Danny or Mel.
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