Pop Quiz, Hot Shot! There are myriad homes in LA you could break into. However, the one you’re thinking about robbing belongs to Keanu Reeves. What do you do? Please allow me to answer this for you. The answer is you raid any other home! Any other home at all!
TMZ reports that Keanu Reeves’ home was burglarized on Wednesday evening when looters in ski masks broke into the John Wick franchise actor’s home. LAPD officers responded to an anonymous call about possible trespassers near 7 pm. By the time cops arrived, the thieves had fled the scene. After a few hours of silence, the cops returned near 1 am when an alarm on the property was triggered. Cameras caught the robbers on film, smashing a window and breaking into the house. Detectives continue to review the footage and are exploring the chance that the anonymous caller from earlier in the evening was from someone casing the scene. Maybe they thought one call would dissuade the cops from returning a second time, thinking it was a false alarm.
Unfortunately, Reeves is familiar with fools trying to bust into his house. The Speed actor experienced two back-to-back intruders in 2014 and had to file a restraining order against an alleged stalker in early 2023. People say crime doesn’t pay. I think crime doesn’t learn, either.
While I could crack plenty of jokes about breaking into the home of John Wick, let’s not forget that real-life Keanu is also not to be f*cked with. Have you seen that viral video of Reeves taking out targets at a gun range? Additionally, Reeves has been studying martial arts since the 1980s. He’s learned Karate, Judo, and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, among other disciplines. Oh, and then there’s all the fight techniques he’s learned while on the job. You don’t spar with Donnie Yen and fail to pick up a trick or two.
If you were dumb enough to steal a firearm from Keanu Reeves, what would you do with it? Try to sell it? Treasure it like a keepsake? This person may want to add it to their Keanu shrine. I shudder when thinking of the possibilities. Please stay safe, Keanu. You’re one of the good ones!