Joe Bob Briggs lists the top 10 drive-in movie classics

News is slow coming out of the holidays, so we figured why not dig something fun out of the archives of legendary drive-in movie critic Joe Bob Briggs? This awesome little blast from the past was shared to the Drive-In Mutant Collective Facebook group by Joe Bob fan John Dirksen, who tried to pass it off as being from a recent issue of Fangoria, but the truth was quickly revealed: it came from a 1984 issue of Hustler. Wherever it came from, it was written by Joe Bob, and that means it’s greatness. It’s Joe Bob’s list of the “all-time top 10 drive-in movie classics”! Here we go… with apologies to fans from the great city of Pittsburgh right up front.

#1. Night of the Living Dead (1968) – The only good thing to ever come out of Pittsburgh, where it was made. This is the Number 1 drive-in movie in the history of the world.

#2. The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974) – The only picture ever made in which there are three psychos who work on the buddy system, in shifts. We all have our favorite scenes in ‘Saw, but mine is where Leatherface puts Pam aside on a meat hook so he can keep working on Kirk.

#3. Basket Case (1982) – Excellent blood scenes, especially where a lady doctor gets six scalpels plunged into various parts of her face. Best picture of the year.

#4. The Little Shop of Horrors (1960) – The Rocky Horror Picture Show of its time, one of the most popular films ever made by Roger Corman, King of the Drive-in Movie; he shot it in two days. It’s about this poor schmuck named Seymour who raises plants that drink only human blood. A real howler in more ways than one.

#5. Deathstalker (1983) – Features 30 breasts, full exposure of Barbi Benton, and a pet in a basket that eats human eyes and fingers. The “stalker” likes to stick his sword through a guy, twist it, then jerk it out and wipe off the blood on the dead body.

#6. The Evil Dead (1982) – We’re talking total dismemberment, 19 gallons of blood. Vomit champion of 1982. Girl spews white slime out of her mouth. Features chain-saw scene where girl is sawed into itty-bitty pieces by her friends because she turned zombie on them.

#7. Friday the 13th (1980) – When Betsy Palmer gets her head sliced off with a machete, it was the dawn of the ’80s – the day red meat came back into the American diet.

#8. Parasite (1982) – We’re not talking sickola sex maniacs that go around slashing nekkid girls into chicken fricassee. We’re not talking biology here. We’re not talking DNA. We’re talking serious diseases.

#9. Madman (1982) – My nominee for best gross-out scene in a drive-in movie is when the Madman puts Dave’s head between the carburetor and the fan belt in a truck and turns his face into pizza.

#10. Bloodsucking Freaks (1978) – Doctor does elective neurosurgery by sticking a power drill through a girl’s head while he’s humming “Marriage of Figaro”. Once he gets it in there pretty deep, he wiggles it around, sticks in a straw, and… well, you get the title now.

That’s an excellent list of drive-in classics that would make for a highly entertaining marathon.

In addition to his writing, Joe Bob Briggs has hosted multiple movie shows over the years. He had Joe Bob’s Drive-in Theater on The Movie Channel from 1986 to 1996, headed up MonsterVision on TNT from 1996 to 2000, and currently hosts The Last Drive-in with Joe Bob Briggs on the Shudder streaming service.

What did you think of Joe Bob’s all-time top 10 drive-in movie classics list? Let us know by leaving a comment below.