IT’S THE BOOZE TALKIN’: Will Piranha 3DD Be the Best Sequel Ever???

Last Updated on July 23, 2021

The summer of 2010 was a good one, in terms of movies. Not only did we have the action movie fifefest known as THE EXPENDABLES, but we also got a little horror movie exploiting the 3D gimmick with PIRANHA 3D. For those who hate on 3D (i.e., yours truly), it was quite the cinematic experience—tons of blood, tons of boobs, and even Jerry O’Connell’s severed wang. With an epic cast (Christopher Lloyd!!!) and a nod to water monster movies of the past, it was what moviegoers liked to call “a good time”. Now here we are inching toward the 2012 summer season, and both THE EXPENDABLES and PIRANHA 3D have sequels on the way. And while I flippin’ loved THE EXPENDABLES, the trailer for PIRANHA’s sequel PIRANHA 3DD makes it look like one of the best sequels of all time!!! Slide over Sly and Arnold (and that PG-13 rating), here comes a sequel that follows the sequel rules and pushes the envelope into the extreme!

Everything about this movie screams awesome, starting with the title. They could have been boring and just said PIRANHA 2… but no, they took it one step further by exploiting one of the reasons why people loved PIRANHA in the first place (big boobs), and titled it PIRANHA 3DD! Big boobs in 3D! Some could say it’s a stroke of genius, but let’s be honest… it just makes sense to do it this way. Genius sense, but sense none-the-less. And while they could have left it up to the imagination what the “3DD” means, the send the trailer into super slow motion while some young blood-splattered hottie in a bikini runs from the horror, her boobs bouncing all over the place and giving the audience no room to come to their own conclusion. It’s pretty goddamn blatant and I f*cking love it!

Then there’s the setting. What tops a Spring Break party in Arizona’s Lake Victoria? How about a Spring Break party at a water park where the lifeguards consist of strippers and David F*cking Hasslehoff??? How’s that shit for upping the ante? Amazing. Simply amazing. Director Alex Aja’s replacement for the second go-round is FEAST director John Gulager, and goddamn does this guy appear to know what he’s doing here. Some people talk about superb casting decisions (like bringing back Christopher Lloyd and Ving Rhames), but I think the best decision here is the directing and writing decision, going with the team who gave us the other two FEAST movies as well as a bunch of the SAW movies and THE COLLECTOR. Who better to bring a crazier PIRANHA movie to the table than those f*cking guys?

My only big issue I have with water monster movies, whether they be piranhas or sharks, is that all the problems and chaos that spawns from them could be resolved if people would wise the f*ck up and just get out of the goddamn water—and stay out! Of course, there wouldn’t be a movie at that point, but the question is still there: you know a killing machine is in the water, so why the f*ck do you keep going back in??? But that issue seems to have been answered with PIRANHA 3DD, as the little bastards appear to swim through the water pipes and enter people’s homes (and their bathtubs) and even manages to stick to folks like some sick and twisted venereal disease. And all I can say about that is… f*ck yeah! So it’s not good enough to just stay away from the water park, these people appear to be f*cked just about anywhere they go! Love it!

I talked about casting earlier, but holy crap did they manage to stay on par with the original. Newcomers include Danielle Panabaker, Kristina Bowden, Alison Mack, David Koechner, David Hasslehoff, and Gary “Substance A-“Busey! Not to mention Rhames, Lloyd, and Paul Scheer of all people returning to reprise their roles as piranha ass-kickers. And while no one watches these movies for the people (give us more piranhas!), it’s awesome to see they’ve kept the hotties front and center, while giving us classic B-movie style actors to round out the cast.

Maybe it’s the booze talkin’, but after checking out the new trailer for PIRANHA 3DD, I’ve come to the conclusion that PIRANHA 3DD may be the best sequel ever made! From the new water park location to the sheer insane shenanigans the piranhas seem to get themselves into, it’s apparent that Gulager and company gave 3DD the upmost sequel treatment, upping the ante on just about every level. And since PIRANHA was bat shit crazy to begin with, the fact that this looks crazier is quite the accomplishment. So while I can’t wait to see THE EXPENDABLES 2, the sequel that has me most excited this year is by far PIRANHA 3DD. I mean, come on! 3DD??? It’s too f*cking genius to ignore!