The summer of 2010 was one of epicness and of what dreams are made of… especially if you’re a fife for old school action movies and muscle-bound action heroes. Sylvester Stallone delivered a present to fans everywhere with THE EXPENDABLES, throwing Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Mickey Rourke, Steve Austin, Randy Couture, Terry Crews, Eric Roberts, Bruce Willis, and Arnold Schwarzenegger all in the same action-packed movie. We thought they couldn’t outdo a cast like that, but this week THE EXPENDABLES 2 explodes into theaters, and they’ve managed to wow us yet again with adding even more action stars to the list, including Jean-Claude Van Damme, Scott Adkins, and Chuck Norris, and giving expanded roles to Willis and Schwarzenegger. EX2 may have the dream team of action stars, but it’s hard not to think of who else could have been in there, and more importantly, who should be in THE EXPENDABLES 3 when it eventually comes out.
Keeping the crew as-is, EX3 should simply add to the already epic cast. But who? The first and obvious addition has to be Steven Seagal. The man was a big name back when the rest of the cast were big names, and he’s had a colorful career of straight-to-DVD flicks, thus positioning himself as an aging action star of yesterday… the perfect addition to an EXPENDABLES movie. He’d be the bad guy (like he was in MACHETE) and maybe… just maybe he’d have a nice little face-off with the other real-life ass-kicker Couture. Every nemesis needs a henchman sidekick… and Seagal’s should be Michael Jai White, star of BLOOD AND BONE and BLACK DYNAMITE. He usually plays the good guy (he just has a good charisma about him), which would make it all that more interesting if he was on the bad side.
But we can’t stop there in terms of baddies. Let’s face it, an EX3 would have to step up the game and include an entire fleet (one that matches The Expendables) of bad dudes. So who else should jump on board and fight for evil? Wesley Snipes (assuming they let him out of prison early), Brian “Boz” Bosworth (but only if he can rock that mullet again), Michael Biehn (a guy who’s perfect being angry), Lance Henriksen (the guy practically defines evil), Peter Weller (a real salty dog at this point), Rutger Hauer (again, salty), and to top it all off, Mel Gibson (love him or hate him, the guy knows how to inflict—and receive—pain like no other). Is it weird that most of these guys or on the older side of old? Maybe. But sometimes, the cunning of gruff and angry old men can take on and destroy the powers of brawn… and with a cast like this, who’d complain?
Now that we have the team of evil nemesis’ established, let’s look to see who The Expendables B-Team is, i.e., the group of guys Stallone calls when The Expendables needs help. Willis, Norris, and Schwarzenegger would return (they’d have to!), as would another organization of ass-kickers lead by Mr. T and Hulk Hogan. That’s right, I said it… Mr. T and Hulk Hogan show up as the leaders of the B-Team, cracking on each other with the same grab-ass ferocity as Stallone and Schwarzenegger, and thus a real treat for the audience. Throw in Jesse “The Body” Ventura (PREDATOR), Michael Dudikoff (of AMERICAN NINJA fame), Donnie Yen (IP MAN), Jeff Speakman (THE PERFECT WEAPON), Chow Yun Fat (THE KILLER), Jackie Chan (RUMBER IN THE BRONX, yo!), and “Rowdy” Roddy Piper (THEY LIVE) to fill in The B-Team, and you have yourself one kick-ass group of mercenaries for hire, all of which will show up to kick ass and chew bubble gum.
Dipping back into the ROCKY hand basket of badasses, Carl Weathers should also be in the house as well… maybe not part of the B-Team, but as a liaison to Schwarzenegger’s Trench, as a dude who comes out of “pushing pencils for the CIA” and must run point alongside Arnold. We’d all get misty-eyed for PREDATOR when the two are blowing bitches away side-by-side again, and happy to see Action Jackson back doing what he does best. And the other big name to pull out when the going gets too tough? Kurt Russell. He may not be as “washed up” as some of the others, nor is his past as action-packed as the rest of the crew, but the dude rocked ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK and BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA, and for those two movies alone, he deserves a special cameo appearance. He could even wear an eye patch if he wanted, which would be a definite crowd pleaser.
Maybe it’s the booze talkin’, but for THE EXPENDABLES 3 to live up to the hype, they’re gonna have to add a gaggle of action stars to the roster. Sure, the above list may be overkill and if three or four of them actually end up in EX3, I’d be a happy camper… but can you imagine if all of them showed up? The only challenge would be giving each and every one of them enough screen time, and to conceive a story that’s big and epic enough to warrant such an epic cast. No more of this “bad guy wants to nuke the world” bullshit that we’ve seen a hundred times, but give us a DARK KNIGHT RISES scenario that’s so hard and heavy that Sly and The Expendables can’t do it all by themselves, something so catastrophic that they absolutely need the extra help… and that, my friends, would be ultimate EXPENDABLES movie, thus rounding out one of the greatest trilogies of all time.