It’s the Booze Talkin’: Subpar PG-13 horror keeps making coin,we’re screwed!

Last Updated on August 2, 2021

As a horror fan I feel we should be ecstatic. After its second weekend at the box office, a “scary flick” remains in the top spot for Halloween! YAY for genre fans! Unfortunately, the horror film in question is far from horrific, it is a watered down, teen scream with zero scares and not a sign of personality. OUIJA is a lame attempt to cash in on the month of October and Halloween, and cash in it did. With only a five million dollar budget, it has already made just under thirty-five million not including foreign. Now normally I’m a fan of Blumhouse – who is one of the companies behind it – but this particular outing was the epitome of a weak PG-13 boo fest with not an ounce of heart or soul. And it’s a hit.

The unfortunate thing is it is hard to find horror flicks aimed at a more grown up crowd. Sadly, your best bet for this type of entertainment is on VOD. We didn’t see a wide release for the Alexandre Aja feature HORNS. Nor will we see the surprisingly effective remake/sequel to THE TOWN THAT DREADED SUNDOWN – which is also in the Blumhouse family – on the big screen. In fact, nearly all of the horror features that are slapped with an R rating, aside from ANNABELLE, won’t find its way into major release. More on ANNABELLE later, but in general, original R-rated genre on the big screen is becoming a rare thing indeed, while pre-teen horror like OUIJA is making moolah.

The back and forth between R and PG-13 when it comes to horror is nothing new. Can a good and scary movie come ready made with that audience friendly rating? Of course it can. The problem isn’t always the rating as it is the quality of the movie itself. And the same can certainly be said for R-rated features as well. Yet some of the biggest holiday releases this past month included the less than spectacular DRACULA UNTOLD and OUIJA. Both of these cinematic endeavors left much to be desired. And both were PG-13. And yes these two films found an audience – DRACULA may not have made a ton here but it certainly found some love with foreign box office.

The idea of releasing an R-rated horror film around this time of year seems like a no-brainer. As mentioned, the one option for fall of 2014 was ANNABELLE, which had the good will of THE CONJURING to back it up. Sure this cheap knock-off was R, yet that scary doll lost a little bit of her charm for many a horror fan. Yet I’ll be damned if audiences didn’t put their money into that one as well. What is it about this time of year that frightens studios so much as to not release original horror features with an R-rating in wide release? Keep in mind, even THE CONJURING haunted theaters in mid-July of 2013, nowhere near October. Yet thanks to familiarity, there was a safety in releasing the follow up film and audiences bought into it.

One of my favorite genre goodies of the past month was the splattastic DEAD SNOW 2: RED VS. DEAD – Tommy Wirkola’s incredible follow-up to his original and very clever Nazi zombie feature. Wait? You just complained about another sequel so what makes this one so special? Unlike ANNABELLE, this highly imaginative horror continuation truly expanded on the original. It was an unabashedly brutal assault with some smart ideas, and one eye-popping set piece after another. Not only was this slapped with an R, but it pushed it to the limit and even earned positive reviews in the process. It is confounding to me that a film like this did not get a bigger release. This is the kind of movie I want to see come Halloween in a packed theatre.

Maybe it’s the booze talkin’, but when shitty PG-13 (or R-light) horror keeps making money, grown-ups get screwed! When can we get a gloriously original R-rated horror flick in theaters on Halloween that isn’t a remake or a lazy sequel? Aside from DEAD SNOW 2, the best horror film I saw in theaters this past Halloween was freakin’ John Carpenter’s HALLOWEEN! Lucky for us it was playing for one night only and it was way better than sitting through a YA “horror flick.” As long as lame-brained studio horror vehicles like OUIJA and yes, even the R-rated (?) ANNABELLE, make a ton of bucks then we will continue to be cursed with safe and disposable horror. At least the fantastic Jake Gyllenhaal vehicle NIGHTCRAWLER gave OUIJA a run for its money… maybe there is hope!