I remember it like it was yesterday: the last day of second grade. My Dad picked me up from school and took me to a packed theater to watch GHOSTBUSTERS 2 opening day Friday, June 16, 1989. For an 8 year old, it was the best movie ever, reuniting the characters I loved so much from GHOSTBUSTERS, thus continuing my fascination with the supernatural and the like. It was one of the greatest days of my life (up until that point, that is). Anyway, shoot some twenty odd years later and talks of a GHOSTBUSTERS 3 is all the rage—and has been for years. The problem is… GHOSTBUSTERS 2 wasn’t nearly as good as I remember it being the first time I saw it and the franchise has been dead since the ‘80s… enough already! The world doesn’t need another GHOSTBUSTERS movie, whether that be a reboot, a remake, a sequel, or a ‘passing of the torch’ scenario. Leave it alone, for f*ck’s sake!
We’ve been hearing about this damned sequel for years now and yet it never seems to be getting any closer to happening… until now, that is. Well, sort of. The latest word on the street is that Bill Murray has a copy of the script, and based on his go-ahead, the movie will be thrust deep into production. The problem? Murray doesn’t give a f*ck about this project and hasn’t read the script yet. And good riddance—seriously, you know something’s up when the guy who starred in GARFIELD is thinking that this is a bad idea.
I can see why the studio and fans alike want to see this happen. For the studio, it’s almost guaranteed money in the bank, even after they throw $150M into it—it’s a shoe-in for being a blockbuster event. Sequels are big, remakes/reboots are big, the ‘80s are big, and Ashton F*CKING Kutcher is big. Oh—you didn’t hear about that shit? That’s right folks, ever since director Ivan Reitman and Ashton made NO STRINGS ATTACHED, it’s all they can talk about: Ashton being in the new GHOSTBUSTERS movie (read all about it HERE). If there was ever a good reason not to have this movie NOT made, Kutcher’s involvement is it. F*ck that noise, yo!
Balls—where was I? Oh yeah—why would fans want it to happen? Who the f*ck doesn’t love GHOSTBUSTERS? Especially if you’re a product of the ‘80s, but even moreso if you simply grew up watching Peter, Egon, Winston, Ray, and Slimer bust some freaky ghosts with their proton packs. Shit, I even drooled over every episode of THE REAL GHOSTBUSTERS on Saturday mornings. So many great scenes, great lines, great memories, and… overall f*cking greatness came out of this franchise (even the aforementioned GHOSTBUSTERS 2 had its moments of awesomeness), but that doesn’t mean another movie should be made, does it? F*ck no it doesn’t. And if Murray isn’t on board this train, then double-f*ck this movie.
But wait—there’s more! The whole concept of passing the torch to a young generation just doesn’t sit well with me. Do we need to see a fat Dan Ackroyd or fat Harrold Ramis or an old-ass Murray wearing the flight suites and proton packs again? No. Why ruin the image we have of those guys? I can only imagine how Slimer has let himself go at this point. Then there’s the new group of Ghostbusters we’d have to endure. I already mentioned that f*ck Ashton—there’s also Anna Faris, Bill Hader, and Eliza Dushku to deal with. No thank you. Sure, Faris and Dushku are hot and Hader is f*cking hilarious, but I’ll keep my Ghostbusters from the ‘80s where they belong (and where they should stay).
Maybe it’s the booze talkin’, but this GHOSTBUSTERS 3 talk has to end—enough already! It was a solid concept, I’m glad people are excited for it, but Murray doesn’t show signs of cracking and there’s absolutely no reason to have another one except to please the studios pocketbooks. My final argument to this can be summed up with one name: INDIANA JONES. Let’s recall what happened when that aging ‘80s franchise tried to reboot itself for today’s audience, passing the torch to one of today’s hottest stars… yeah, it didn’t end very well. Mr. Murray, I salute you sticking to your guns and holding up the whole process, and I hope you never have a chance to read that script!
Who ya gonna call? NOT Ashton Kutcher!