IT’S THE BOOZE TALKIN’: Eli Roth… give us Thanksgiving already!!!

Last Updated on July 23, 2021

In April of 2007 genre fan were given a treat of significant proportion: a double-feature known as GRINDHOUSE from directors Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino. Between the zombie fun of PLANET TERROR and the high-octane horror of DEATH PROOF, filmmakers like Rob Zombie, Edgar Wright, and Eli Roth provided fake trailers of genre films, contributing to a 3 hour love-letter to all things that are awesome. Since then one of the fake trailers (Rodriguez’s MACHETE) has been made into a full-length film, but it’s Roth’s THANKSGIVING that truly demands the full-on movie treatment. With Thanksgiving hitting this week it makes me sit back and wonder (with a tall drink in one hand), where the hell is the THANKSGIVING movie already???

The poster and tagline are ALREADY classic!

The trailer was pure genius, plain and simple. Roth delivered a grungy, dirty, tasteless looking film featuring a serial killer dressed up as a Pilgrim, killing Turkey mascots, chicks on trampolines, and even stuffing a victim and serving her up as the main course on the dinner table. Like I said: pure f*cking genius! If there’s one sub-genre that Roth seems to have been made for, it’s the slasher film. Sure, CABIN FEVER was a slasher of sorts, but THANKSGIVING… this is a film that screamed of Roth’s talent to direct entertaining and violent horror films. But it’s been over three years since GRINDHOUSE and there’s been lots of discussion of making the film happen, but here we are and still no THANKSGIVING–what gives?

Cheerleaders, boobs, and trampolines. What more could you possibly ask for from a movie?

You could argue that GRINDHOUSE was a box office failure, you could argue that THANKSGIVING works better as a trailer than a feature-length film (like MACHETE ended up being), and to each of those I’d say you’re right. GRINDHOUSE was a box office disappointment and THANKSGIVING could be perfect just the way it is in trailer form. The thing is, I don’t give a f*ck about any of that. I still think it’d be a rockin’ good time as a movie, and I think Roth would make it one f*cked up ride that would be worth taking. Plus, who doesn’t want to see a slasher flick set at THANKSGIVING (sorry THANKSKILLING, even with your killer turkey approach, you still don’t fit the bill)???

Stop acting and direct something already!!!

The biggest F-U in the waiting process for this film to finally get made is Roth himself. His feelings got hurt after people hated HOSTEL II and in the years since has only directed the short film which appeared in INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS (NATION’S PRIDE), and instead has acted in such flicks as BASTERDS and PIRANHA 3D. What the f*ck gives, man? You’re a director! You’re the guy who gave us CABIN FEVER and HOSTEL! So one movie didn’t do too hot, get off your horse and just make a f*cking movie already–and by that, I mean to say–make THANKSGIVING already! You have absolutely nothing to lose and everything to gain! If it’s made as grungy and as low budget as the trailer, the film would be a win-win for just about everybody involved.

When trailers invoke fan art, I think it’s safe to say there’s already a following for this film. Bring on the THANKSGIVING!

Maybe it’s the pre-Turkey scotch talkin’ that’s making me nostalgic and shit, but it’s this time of year that really makes me wish Roth would go ahead and make THANKSGIVING already, give the genre world a film we can all watch instead of post-dinner football games, and start new traditions in households across America. There’s not a horror flick out there based around Thanksgiving, and goddamnit, it needs one! And Eli Roth’s THANKSGIVING would the perfect tribute. Rumors have been going around for years that it’ll happen someday, three years of rumors have contributed to nothing but… this. A rant by some drunk horror-loving a-hole asking Roth to stop acting and direct something already. Please, from all of us, please make THANKSGIVING! Your fans demand it.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!