Just because it’s the Holidays doesn’t mean you won’t get your weekly dose of MovieHotties.com excerpts. In fact, I should have given you a double dose but I didn’t
because, well, that’s a lotta copying and pasting and a man’s got his limits. In any case, enjoy.
We’ve been meaning to mention a few choice categories from the list of the Alliance of Women Film Journalists Awards but as it tends to happen to us around here, we
were sieged by a band South American militia and released after we somehow managed to make friends with them and promised to destroy “those capitalist pigs”. We’re
not sure which “capitalist pigs” they were referring to but we sure will miss those midnight raids on unsuspecting villagers. But on to the topic at hand. The AWFJ, among
having the usual categories for their awards, were surprisingly coy and fun enough to also add such categories as
“Hanging In There For Best Persistence”, “Don’t Stick Your Head In The Sand Award”, “Actress In Most Need of a New Agent”, “Hall of Shame Award”, and most
importantly “Best Depiction of Nudity or Sexuality”, the winner of which, interestingly enough, was LITTLE CHILDREN, proving our long held belief that Kate Winslet’s
naked form is awards-worthy…
Having become best friends with Tom Cruise after helping recapture Katie Holmes during Katie’s most daring (and closest to success, we might add) escape attempt from
her basement cell, Victoria Beckham is reaping the rewards by apparently being chosen by Tom himself to star as his Thetan Bride in a film titled THE THETAN, in
which Tom deconstructs the mystery of Scientology’s most closely guarded secret and reveals the truth of life itself to us. What’s more, Tom’s ascertained flashes of
comic brilliance in Victoria, which are vitally important to a role that will demand moments of levity in between such awe-inspring truth. We honestly didn’t think Tom would
unleash a film of this magnitude this soon but his acquiring of United Artists may have prompted him to do so. Beyond that, however, he must also have learned of Xenu’s
imminent return…
Not too long ago, we were lamenting the unfortunate exile of Julia Ormond from Hollywood and, as if hearing our impassioned cries of anguish, she quickly landed a starring role alongside the powerhouse duo of Earth
Protector Brad Pitt and director David Fincher in the sci fi romantic dramedy THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON and she’s now agreed to star alongside sweetly inebriated poetic princess Lindsay
Lohan in the drama I KNOW WHO KILLED ME. Coming from writer Jeff Hammond and under director Chris Sivertson, in it, Linds stars as the daughter of an affluent
family, who’s kidnapped. After her captor mutilates her by severing an arm and a leg, she manages to escape, is hospitalized and awakens with the personality of a
completely different person – one who we presume is the polar opposite of her former self…
Our pick for The Most Underappreciated Character Actress With Surprisingly Huge Knockers Emily Mortimer has stepped in to replace Samantha
Morton in THE MACHINIST director Brad Anderson’s follow-up TRANSSIBERIAN. In it, she’ll star alongside Woody Harrelson as a couple who take the Trans-Siberian train
from China to Moscow, in the course of which they meet another couple played by Kate Mara and Eduardo Noriega and what seems like something that could blossom
into a delightful partner swapping swing session to pass the time devolves into something far more sinister…
It seems as if Scarlett Johansson has issued a challenge to Madonna regarding her performance as vein-popping singing temptress Eva Perón in the musical EVITA. While
discussing characters she’d like to portray in the future, Scarlett mentioned “I became fascinated with Evita as a teenager and I’d love to play that role but Madonna was
awesome.” Whoa, whoa, whoa, take it easy with the hostility there, Scarlett. We realize Madonna isn’t at the pinnacle of the acting game and she’s resorted to
shady adoption practices of African orphans but she clearly poured her heart and soul into playing Evita so there’s no need to infer you could trump her performance with
your eyes closed, your hands tied behind your back and a couple of appendages missing. Not only is that insulting to Madonna but it’s a little harsh on those unfortunate
souls who are missing limbs, don’t you think…
In an interview with Allure magazine in their January 2007 issue (scans of which are below), Noami Watts confesses that all that heavy drama bullshit she’s prone to doing
– you know, the real acting – can be downright exhausting and, frankly, a pretty big fucking drag. Sometimes, she’s so drained by the emotional rollercoaster of a dramatic
performance, she needs some levity. Sometimes, she just needs to breathe and step into a role that’s not so demanding of every single fiber of her being. Sometimes, the
mansion needs a second gym and working for scale sure as hell isn’t gonna pay for it – those measly scraps don’t even pay for a proper bikini wax. Growing as an actor,
challenging yourself and testing the limits of your range is all well and good but, sometimes, you just need to be in some dumb romantic comedy and the big fat wads of
cash that come with it. She relates…
Not content to have just won an Oscar or whatever other accolades she’s received for her acting, Halle Berry will be releasing a bonafide music album to prove to the world that she’s an artist in the truest sense of the word. Her creative repertoire isn’t limited to
slipping into the lives of fictional characters with almost otherwordly accuracy but encompasses the time-honored artistic tradition of baring her soul through song. And
don’t think for a second this is some Hilary Duff or Lindsay Lohan soulless pop bullshit. No, this is real music that comes from the heart and will speak to us
all in impressive and downright startling ways…
We firmly believed Miss USA Tara Conner’s bitter
struggle to rid herself of the personal demons that bafflingly drove her to sickening debauchery and almost lost her the crown would not only serve as a stinging
reminder of the disgrace that can befall a Miss USA contestant who yields to her libidinous personal demons but would provide a blanket immunity for the rest of the
pageant contestants. However, it seems we were wrong as Miss Nevada Katie Reese has recently been discovered
indulging her personal demons in the most disgustingly lewd ways. If these personal demons are as powerful as we now believe they are, we fear for what will happen when
they start taking control of teenage high school girls and young adult college girls. We can’t bear the thought of it. We fear for a hopeless future in which girls have gone
shockingly wild…
Last week’s mystery hottie was Germany TV presenter Collien Fernandes and this week’s hottie is HERE. Have a good [insert your particular Winter celebration here],
folks.