Not much pretense to this week’s list. It’s summer time and PIRAHNA 3-D is getting ready to hit screens, so we’re going to take a look at some of the most awesome water monsters that have ever tried to take a bite out of moviegoers.
Now this is the type of list where #1 is most likely obvious, especially since I’m writing it while hanging around the beaches of Cape Cod, but that doesn’t mean we can’t all hopefully enjoy the journey to get there.
So grab some sunscreen and jump into the water with us, and spit bullets if your favorite aquatic beast isn’t given its props.
WARNING – HYDROPHOBIA ENHANCERS BELOW!
10. DEEP STAR SIX
Buy the DEEP STAR SIX DVD here
I honestly wanted to use LEVIATHAN here, because of these two similarly released pics, it was the better film. But the fit wasn’t quite right, so DSS gets the nod. I am a fan of the creature which seems to be the love child of a xenomorph and TMNT’s Shredder. Also, his presence seems to require that nearby females wear thin white T’s. Nothing wrong with that.
9. PIRANHA
I couldn’t find a pic from the original PIRANHA that I really liked, so I went with a pic of Kelly Brook and Riley Steele in the remake instead. I figured ya’ll would forgive me for the technical inaccuracy. But anyway, on to the film which, uh, dammit now I’m distracted. To sum up, tongue in cheek JAWS rip off with plenty of fun and mayhem. Any species that has a rate of consumption measured by speed of cow destruction is aces in my book.
8. HUMANOIDS FROM THE DEEP
Do I really need to say more than horny murderous mutated fish to sell you on this one? No surprise producer Roger Corman brought us this bad boy. It’s a non-stop cheesefest of the silliest possible bloodshed and sexual assault you can imagine. If you prefer not to imagine those things, then do not watch this movie. For reals yo.
7. LAKE PLACID
This may stir up some debate because I could not populate this entire list with crocs and alligators from the wide array of awesome movies they’ve shown up in. Things like ALLIGATOR, PRIMEVAL, ROGUE, DINOCROC, and so on. Personally I think LP does these beasties the best, with a strong cast, sharp writing, and generous helpings of that angry croc. What makes these suckers particularly intimidating is that they are a dual threat. Land, water, take your pick. They will find you, they will get you, and you will die.
6. ORCA: THE KILLER WHALE
Buy the ORCA: THE KILLER WHALE DVD here
One of my favorite things about this flick is that the title repeats itself, since orca means killer whale. So the title is basically Killer Whale: The Killer Whale. Personal amusements aside, how can you not love a flick that features Dumbledore being hunted down by a pissed off sea mammal. If nothing else the movie deserves credit for taking an animal that is not known to hunt humans in the wild and turn it into a Bronson-style revenge seeking people eater.
STAY TUNED FOR PART 2!