Well gang, summer is officially over. And as much as it sucks that we have to pack up the sunscreen and bikinis for the year, remember, the arrival of fall also marks the start of the Halloween season. But before we transition headlong into the dark-days of autumn, why not close September by celebrating one last fit of summer puerility. Instead of tying into an upcoming release, we’re dedicating this week’s Horror Ten Spot to the finest female figures in the horror genre. More specifically, the best and most beauteous butts. That’s right y’all…we’re all about honoring the most delectable derrieres to be found in the horror genre. One off appearances, repeat offenders, life-time achievers, we’re leaving no booty unturned. Hope you got yourself a little alone time!
WARNING: MINOR TO MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW!
#10. BRIANA EVIGAN (SORORITY ROW/BURNING BRIGHT)
Although failing to expressly expose her supple cheeks so far, never more in my life have I wanted to be the pair of short-shorts seen in both SORORITY ROW and BURNING BRIGHT. The common denominator? The stacked and super-sexy Briana Evigan…a girl who packs more butt than a carton of smokes! Playing ring leader to a gaggle of smokin’ nubile co-eds, it’s no easy feat to stand out. But that she certainly does in SORORITY ROW, then takes that star quality and lands the lead in the minimally cast BURNING BRIGHT. Apparently rocking the same wardrobe, Briana parades around her tiger-infested abode in the skimpiest pair of booty-boasters. Seriously, it gets to the point where you’re more sympathetic with the tiger trying to get take a bite out of the girl’s kiester than you are for the girl’s survival. Briana evokes the most animalistic of urges! (do yourself a favor and peep THIS glorious ass-dance Briana does in one of those STEP UP movies).
#9. NAOMI WATTS (FUNNY GAMES)
While I almost pandered to pop sensibilities and awarded Megan Fox’s tight little booty in JENNIFER’S BODY a mention, when I stopped to reconsider, I decided to honor a zaftig woman over a potentially anorexic girl. I just have to ask, who’s copped a peek at Naomi Watts’ ass lately? Pure literature! Funny, I was just reminded of Watts spectacular yard-work when watching Woody Allen’s YOU’LL MEET A TALL DARK STRANGER last night. Mouth agape, I totally remembered how taken with Watts’ same body-part in Michael Hanneke’s remake of his own FUNNY GAMES. Thing is, the subject matter is so flinchingly unforgiving in that movie, you can never really stop to admire the toned backside Watts put forth. Still, when forced to strip down to her cottons, Watts’ springs a powerhouse can of epic proportions. The true test though, even before anything graphic is shown, Watts’ bubbled ass pops in her little summer dress. I defy you to watch the movie again and disagree!
#8. RILEY STEELE (PIRANHA)
When looking to spotlight some of the shapeliest derrieres on film, a porn star ain’t a bad place to look. And honestly, who could ever forget the delicious dueling-ass-dance displayed in Alexandre Aja’s PIRANHA 3D? Riley Steele, the buxom blonde, not only does ass-aerobics with 2010 “it girl” Kelly Brook (more on her to come), she actually gets to spout a few lines in the film. Not that I’m saying her crossover talent exceeds the physical, but perhaps we’ll be seeing more of Steele’s tight little booty in the mainstream. In fact, her PIRANHA co-star Paul Scheer has already cast her in an episode of his spoof TV series NTSF: SD: SUV. Thing is, I could have easily given a top-spot to an equally deserving gluteus-maximus (Haley Bennett comes to mind), the fact that Steele’s is so amply on display throughout the entire film…all the while toned, tanned and bikini clad…she’s earned a winning ticket!
#7. MAGGIE GRACE (THE FOG)
So delectably taut is Maggie Grace’s 22 year old bum in the 2005 remake of THE FOG, we’re actually willing to forgive the semi-granny-panties she rocks throughout the flick. Besides, they hug her ass for dear life…as I’m sure any one of us naturally would. In fact, I’ll go a step further and credit those very tighty-whiteys for parlaying Grace’s star-quality into a stint on “Lost,” TAKEN and ultimately the two-part finale of the TWILIGHT SAGA. That’s right, I submit you need not an agent with an ass and pair of skivvies like that! Good Gravy! Of course, victimized by a PG-13 rating, we never get a full view of Grace’s rear-end, but the tantalizing images leave enough of a lasting memory to warrant a mention. Too bad we can’t say the same for the film as a whole. As timing would have it, let’s all wish a one-day belated happy birthday to Ms. Grace, who turned 28 years young just yesterday (while we’re on the subject, happy birthday today my sister Stacey!)
#6.CERINA VINCENT (CABIN FEVER/IT WAITS)
As an inveterate ass-admirer, I do quite rue Cerina Vincent baring her top but not bottom half in Eli Roth’s CABIN FEVER. Not that I’m complaining, Roth does offer one of the most gratuitous and shamelessly derivative slow-mo tracking shots…where we follow Cerina’s tight-jean-clad booty through a untended field…TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE style. But it’s not just CABIN FEVER. After showing off her full range of goodies in NOT ANOTHER TEEN MOVIE (above), the gorgeous Ms. Vincent has been laid bare in many a horror yarn. IT WAITS and INTERMEDIO are two others in which the stunning Italian blessedly disrobes. No news here, but this woman is utterly flawless…it’s not just her ripe behind. The girl is a classic beauty, a true looker…with as much sex appeal as she has grace. Moving out of genre for a second, if you really want to see Cerina’s g-stringed ass do a pole dance, check her out in JUST ADD WATER here.
STAY TUNED FOR PART 2!