Ah yes, it’s that time of year again. As Halloween shrinks to nothing in our rear view, the holiday season is set to officially get underway. Turkey day hits in one week, and before you know it, we’ll be unwrapping gifts and sipping spiked eggnog by the quart. But before we get all sentimental and delve headlong into the yuletide season, why not kick things off with our own holiday celebration. What pre tell, does that include, you may ask. Exactly what you think. It’s time to fete our all time favorite holiday horror movies…big and small, official and not so. Fireworks, trick or treating, turkey carving, new year’s kisses, birthday candles, candy hearts and the rest…here now is my favorite holiday horror films.
WARNING: MINOR TO MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW!
#10. UNCLE SAM (1997)
Buy UNCLE SAM on DVD here
William Lustig, the man who brought us the inimitable MANIAC as well as all three MANIAC COP films, seemed to revel in the spirit of independence day for his ultra-schlocky 1997 B-movie UNCLE SAM…the quality of which I still contend is outmatched by the film’s poster and box-art. Even so, the so-bad-it’s-good factor deserves rank among the holiday horror pantheon. I mean, come on, what’s not to love about Isaac Hayes spouting lines with Bo Hopkins and genre favorite PJ Soles? Funny, on a day when the townsfolk are supposed to be celebrating their freedom, the victims of the film are ultimately proven there is no escape. None at all. They’re only left to face a sick f*cker slicing and dicing his way through a small population…in a f*cked up Uncle Sam mask of all things…his eyes jaundiced and glazed over like a besotted pauper. Obvious allegories to the psychological damage incurred by Vietnam are at work, but in a movie like this, we really don’t need a heavy-handed motivation. Simply sign up, UNCLE SAM’s taking names!
#9. THANKSGIVING (2007)
Watch THANKSGIVING here
Remember when Eli Roth made movies? WTF happened? Well, as some still await his full length adaptation of the gnarly faux-trailer that abridged the two tales of GRINDHOUSE, Roth perhaps showed his greatest promise in THANKSGIVING, which he shot over two days in the Czech Republic. No doubt drawing on the sleazy pulp and unremitting trash of 70s exploitation fare, Roth imbued his trailer with a bout of nastiness we just don’t see any more from American films. Hell, Roth even lent his own voice to mimic the portentous tone of 70s preview announcers, a touch I’ve always appreciated. Further particular standouts in the 3 or so minutes? How about a cheerleader dropping panties, doing a splits-bounce on a trampoline, only to land plum on a butcher knife…in between her legs. Better yet, the grotesque crescendo with the entire family, Leatherface style, where they turn a human victim into a cannibalistic turkey day feast. F*cking delicious!
#8. TERROR TRAIN (1980)
Here TERROR TRAIN on DVD here
Often considered a companion piece to PROM NIGHT, the other 1980 Jamie Lee Curtis slasher film, many may forget Roger Spottiswoode’s TERROR TRAIN actually takes place during New Year’s Eve. And thus, it fits our criteria. I’ve always enjoyed this one a great deal, as I usually do compelling films that take place in one location, over the course of one night. Here though, what elevates TERROR TRAIN from lesser efforts of its ilk, is the cast. The great Ben Johnson adds instant pathos to the proceedings, with Hart Bochner, Vanity and even David f*cking Copperfield lending ecclectic but admirable support. There’s also a snap ending, whodunit style, that comes as a bit of a surprise the first time you see it…the nature of which is shocking in its own right. Don’t want to spoil much, but homicidal herms are where it’s at! Extra props to DP John Alcott (THE SHINING), who framed the film with a claustrophobic focus, making the train as inescapable as the killer himself. All a-f*cking-board!
#7. APRIL FOOL’S DAY (1986)
Buy APRIL FOOL’S DAY on DVD here
Two distinctly polarizing camps Fred Walton’s APRIL FOOL’S DAY has created over the years, you tend to either love or hate his 1986 horror-charade of grandeur. I personally grew up watching it, as it’s one of my older sister’s favorite horror joints, so I’m certainly in the former camp. I know it’s not an official holiday, but what the hell, there’s plenty to go around. Besides, I believe it’s the budgetary constraints of this early independent feature that actually fostered the kind of ingenuity the film boasts. If Walton had more green to spend, perhaps we see too much…and the film plays differently as a result. Based on the Agatha Christie tale “And Another One Falls,” the film has a fun whodunit slasher vibe, despite the fact most of the kills are of the cut-away variety (for good reason, as the climax proves). A hint of advice, avoid the 2008 remake at all costs, instead go back and peep the who’s who of 80s bit players, from Amy Steele (FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 2) to Clayton Rohner (JUST ONE OF THE GUYS).
#6. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME (1981)
Buy HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME on DVD here
Okay, okay, so it’s not a national holiday, but it is a ubiquitous personal celebration…and for that, why not include J. Lee Thompson’s exuberant 1981 slasher flick HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME? After-all, Thompson directed THE GUNS OF THE NAVARRONE and the original CAPE FEAR, so the man knows how to tell a f*cking story. Speaking of, HBTM was penned by John C.W. Saxton, author of ILSA, SHE WOLF OF THE S.S. (one of my favorite sleaze joints). Here, the set-up is simple enough: a troubled, black-out ridden girl invites her friends to her 18th birthday party. What ensues? A cadre of grisly murders, that’s what. Made in the wake of FRIDAY THE 13TH, HBTM often gets lost in the shuffle of countless watered down imitations, but make no mistake, this sucker has enough grit and grue to sate any horror aficionado…this despite numerous excisions from the MPAA. With a twist ending, one that was shrouded by false press reports alluding to the contrary, makes HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME a pleasant gift indeed!
STAY TUNED FOR PART 2!