Last Updated on July 23, 2021
Ahh JONAH HEX, are you going to be another disappointing PG-13 crapfest that gives us even more reasons to make fun of Megan Fox, or are you gonna smack us all across the face and announce Josh Brolin as a legit genre badass?
I’m actually betting on a mix of both, but either way it seems like a good time to look back on some of the other butt kicking, evil doer slaying, take no prisoners muthaf*ckers who have smashed our skulls in genre pics over the years.
Now this sort of list is guaranteed to ruffle some feathers since everybody’s got their favorites, and not everybody can be at the top of the list. So lock and load, then spit those bullets on your opinions here. I know you got ’em! And if you’re fav is missing, then make your case below.
WARNING – GOOD GUYS FINISHING FIRST BELOW!
10. RAY CAMERON, Night of the Creeps
Buy the NIGHT OF THE CREEPS DVD here
Just about the entire Tom Atkins catalog could make it on this list, but when whittling it down to one it mostly comes down to preference. And NOTC’s is one helluva fun movie. Of course Atkins could be in a Nicolas Sparks adaptation and still be one heavy sumbitch. In fact, if the TWILIGHT people have any sense they’ll cast him as the fetus in BREAKING DAWN.
9. SGT. BRODSKI, Jason X
Dude’s not only knocking off quips while getting stabbed by Jason, but he also survives the experience and comes back for more. Y’know why, because he’s part Candyman, part JCVD, that’s why. If Chuck Norris was black, he’d be Brodski.
8. DUTCH, Predator
Thought about going with THE RUNNING MAN here, but that movie is too damn goofy for me to take seriously. And Dutch is the man. Although it’s hard to tell for sure since he spends most of the movie getting his ass handed to him. But then he flexes the biggest muscle of all (his brain, pervs) and takes it to one of the biggest, meanest, intergalactic hunters we’ve ever seen.
7. KYLE REESE, The Terminator
You’ve been sent back in time to save the woman whose child is the only chance of salvation for humanity when she’s threatened by a nearly unstoppable killing machine. So what do you do? You save her ass, and then you tap that ass because no threat of death is so serious to you that you can’t make some time to “make some time” if ya know what I mean. And thank goodness because your man juice is so damn potent that you knock her up in one try with the previously mentioned savior of mankind. No matter how dark the future may seem, the machines have no chance against that kind of old fashioned human badassness.
6. JOHN CONSTANTINE, Constantine
When the devil saves you from cancer so that he can get a second chance at your soul, you gotta figure there’s some weight behind the beatdowns you’re giving to the bad guys. But if pure evil fighting prowess doesn’t do it for you, how ’bout a hand for a dude who is willing to literally enter Hell just to help a woman he barely knows find her sister. And he’s got nifty forearm tattoos as well.
STAY TUNED FOR PART 2!
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