HORROR TEN SPOT: Ass-kicking Genre Hotties (part 1)

Last Updated on July 23, 2021

What’s not to love about a woman flexing her brawn onscreen? In an industry overly dominated by men – male writers, male directors, producers, execs, male actors who enjoy vastly arrayed parts to play – it’s always refreshing to see the inverse. It’s even better when a woman is bestowed a sense of empowerment, manifested through a sense of unbridled grit and toughness. Zack Snyder seems to feel this way too, since after making the priapic 300, he has flipped the script entirely and placed the power in the hands of his six gorgeous female actresses in SUCKER PUNCH. With that in mind, and I know our man Matt Withers touched on his version months ago, we thought it’d be fun to offer a sincere salute to some of the most ass-kicking genre hotties seen onscreen in recent memory. Sound good? Get your mops and rubber gloves handy, it’s gonna get messy!

WARNING: MINOR TO MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW!

#10. BUFFY – BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER (1992)

Buy BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER on DVD here

Although the TV series it spawned has proven far more popular over the years, there’s only one original. Besides, Kristy Swanson’s titular valley girl cum vampire slayer is flat out finer than Sarah Michelle Gellar (sorry Chelle). And while we would have liked to see what Buffy could have done if Joss Whedon’s original script was left intact, instead of being “lightened,” (including a sequence where Buffy would have burned down the school gym during the climactic school dance), Buffy and her airy colloquialisms and penchant for bloodletting are good enough to award a tip of the cap. After-all, doing away with a Bohemian Pee-Wee Herman and foully mustachioed Rutger Hauer has to be worth something, right? Sure she’s shacks up with Dylan in Clooney bowl-cut, but we’re willing to overlook that for our purposes here. She catches flying knives, drives stakes through ghoulish hearts with her feet, and torments a young Hillary Swank in her screen debut.

#9. JESSICA YANG – SUPERCOP 2 (1993)

Buy SUPERCOP 2 on DVD here

If for no other reason than to avoid being slammed for provincial nationalism, we’d be remiss if a little love didn’t get cast to some foreign actresses. And while you can consider this more of a celebration of the woman’s entire oeuvre, Michelle Yeoh’s (formerly Michelle Khan) work in SUPERCOP 2 is pretty f*ckin’ badass. Sure we could have gone with Maggie Cheung just as easily (see IRMA VEP yo, yes the anagram of which spells VAMPIRE), but with Yeoh’s ability to go toe-to-toe with both Jackie Chan and Jet Li (TAI CHI MASTER), she earns our spotlight of adulation a tad more. Even as she nears fifty years old, the stunning Malaysian still headlines action flicks (REIGNS OF ASSASSINS), having worked with such filmmaking talents as Ang Lee, Luc Besson, Stanley Tong, David Chung, Danny Boyle, not to mention the crossover work in such populist fare as TOMORROW NEVER DIES, THE MUMMY 2, KUNG FU PANDA 2, etc. etc. Yup, Michelle Yeoh is one sexy ass import we’re glad to claim as our own!

#8. THE GIRLS – DEATH PROOF (2007)

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Even among our own ranks, I know Tarantino’s DEATH PROOF is probably the most polarizing of all his work heretofore – with our very own Arrow and E.Dub disliking it quite a bit, and Ammon, Jared and myself diggin’ the hell out of it – but there’s really no refuting how badass the second threesome of hotties ends up being in the films climax. I mean, when you can reduce Snake Plissken to piss-ant rubble of tears, wailing and moaning for his own life, you gotta be doing something right. Yes the movie is an exercise in dopey dialogue up to that point, but let’s not get it twisted: when stuntwoman Zoe Bell straps herself to the hood of a 1970 Dodge Challenger and has a joyride interrupted by Russell’s perverted sadist, the consequences are nothing short of awesome! And while I wish the gorgeous Mary Elizabeth Winstead joined Rosario Dawson and Traci Thoms, as it stands, the comeuppance the power trio serves, what with their lead pipe cruelty and merciless pugilism, Russell gets rag-dolled worse than Rihanna in a Chris Brown confrontation!

#7. LARA CROFT – TOMB RAIDER (2001)

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Sure, perennial looker Angelina Jolie has displayed her acumen to kill a mofo in flicks like MR. & MRS. SMITH, WANTED, SALT, etc., it’s her work as Lara Croft in two videogame adaptations, LARA CROFT: TOMB RAIDER and TOMB RAIDER: CRADLE OF LIFE that we’ve decided to highlight. What, you thought we were going with CYBORG 2? HACKERS? Not quite. Nope, the TOMB RAIDER flicks are most apposite genre wise, and while I’m certainly no gamer, one game I did tackle a time or two in my heyday was that of Lara Croft and her escapades across various ruins and underworld terror. Obviously, the film adaptations are no works of art, but Jolie, in those short shorts and tight bodysuit, is clearly at the height of her hotness (at age 26 and 28, respectively). And as far as her butt whooping skills are concerned here, she runs the gamut: hand to hand combat, firepower against robotic monsters and the like, pit and pratfalls to overcome, etc., etc. Sure it’s derivative (INDIANA JONES) and diversionary, but Jolie’s presence is a definite force to be reckoned with!

#6. BEATRIX KIDDO – KILL BILL (2003)

Buy KILL BILL Vol. 1 on DVD here
Buy KILL BILL Vol. 2 on DVD here

Quentin loves his leading ladies, and it’s never been more apparent than the role he gave Uma Thurman in KILL BILL. Utterly badass, The Bride’s redemptive arc is one to behold. Left for dead and told her pregnant child was terminated, she endures multiple levels of violent showdown, some of which mano y mano, some of which mano y many. Yet through all the exorbitant, cartoonish martial arts and J-horror gore, Uma grounds her performance in enough of a reality that we actually care for her. We care for her to not only seek retribution, but to get her child back as well. Not to mention all of her own stunt-work and sword-handling Uma performed in the flick, going fist-to-fist with the likes of Sonny Chiba, Gordon Liu, Chiaki Kuriyama and David Carradine (not to mention the slew of non-pros). And if you want body count, look no further than The Bride’s Showdown at House Of Blue Leaves, where she lets more blood than an aggregate menstrual cycle of a small all girls school. Now that’s a badass bitch!

STAY TUNED FOR PART 2!