It’s the Booze Talkin’: Please treat the next Friday the 13th right!

Last Updated on July 23, 2021

These are exciting times for FRIDAY THE 13TH fans, as big news about the franchise has been dropping left and right like bodies in the final reel at Camp Crystal Lake. First up, Paramount gained back control of the franchise from Warner Bros., of which they need to make another FRIDAY THE 13TH movie in the next 5 years or they’ll lose the rights again. If that wasn’t enough, then Paramount announced that they’d be releasing the definitive FRIDAY TH 13TH collection on Blu-ray, featuring all of the movies in the franchise, including JASON GOES TO HELL, JASON X, FREDDY VS. JASON, and the 2009 remake. Whoa. I have the Paramount collection DVD box set (1-8), but this has all 12 movies (on Blu!). Nice move, Paramount. And now there’s chatter on the interwebs that FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 2 is going to happen sooner than later, in conjunction with Platinum Dunes!

Least to say it’s easy to get caught up in all the deliciousness of the prospects of a new FRIDAY THE 13TH movie, but I’m here to keep shit in check. First of all, while it sounds like a good idea that Paramount has the rights to franchise again, let’s not forget how badly they treated the series after a while, cashing in on all the success, but not treating it with the respect the franchise so rightfully deserves. They took the gore out, they refused to release unrated versions of all the films (which I have to believe exist out there somewhere), and they all but shit all over the quality of the franchise… but happy to fill their wallets with all the cash. Hopefully Paramount has wised up over the years and have plans of rockin’ Jason Voorhees the way we’ve been hoping and dreaming about for the last 20 years.

Then there’s this twist of teaming up with Platinum Dunes for PART 2. This is not a good idea. Platinum Dunes makes nice-looking movies with high production values and they have a knack for putting talent in front of the camera… but they notoriously make shitty movies. Why would Paramount want to collaborate with them? And furthermore, why would we want Platinum Dunes back in the picture? The 2009 remake was not a good movie—it’s pretty bad, actually. Both in the way they handled the character of Jason and in terms of death, kills, and capturing the spirit of the series. They just sucked at all the levels, except maybe showing off Julianna Guill’s titties and nailing the overall “look” of Jason. But Jason the pot farmer? With elaborate underground tunnels equipped with floodlights and booby traps? Come one.

The desire for another FRIDAY THE 13TH movie lies in the fact that we all want a better FRIDAY THE 13TH movie than what the 2009 version was able to deliver. We also want to watch Jason f*ck shit up on the big screen again, but more importantly, we want a new movie to deliver in the ways that the first 7 movies did (and yes, I’m saying F-U to part 8 cause that movie sucked ass). Paramount’s in a unique position to crank out something great and kick-start the franchise all over again, and lucky for them, they have an entire internet of F13 fans out there with ideas of what a new F13 movie should be like.

I’m only gonna drop the obvious and most-wanted scenario for PART 2 that seems to be floating around the internet, but if you have ideas for the next F13 movie, please share them below. The idea that most fans seem to want is to set PART 2 during the winter months at Camp Crystal Lake, where he can slice, dice, stalk, chop, and otherwise f*ck a bunch of teenagers up in the snow. I like this idea, if not because it’s one we actually haven’t seen before, thus putting a fresh twist on the same old thing. But don’t put the whole movie in the snow, because… well, that wouldn’t make much sense. I smell a great opening sequence in the snow, or maybe the very end, but the whole movie? Eff that. I want camp counselors, summertime, dark and stormy nights, but mostly camp counselors at summer camp, of which would never happen during a snow storm. But an off-season kill? Sign me up!

Maybe it’s the booze talkin’, but I’m trying to keep my expectations for the next edition of FRIDAY TH 13TH in check now that Paramount owns the rights once more. I want them to go buck wild and crank one out sooner than later, but I want them to do it right. I don’t really want Platinum Dunes involved, either. Paramount did just fine making them by themselves back in the 80s, they can afford to do that shit by themselves today. I want Jason to kill some fools in the snow, but also return to his roots and go after camp counselors during a session of summer camp. And yes… I want that damn ultimate collection on Blu-ray, too. So much FRIDAY THE 13TH shenanigans going on right now, I don’t know if I can handle