Here Comes Zach!

With the likes of Will Ferrell and Adam Sandler no longer able to whet my whistle, and Seth Rogen moving towards superhero territory, I’m waiting for some demented imbecile with just a pinch of charm and a dash of wit to step in and make me blush again.

For the longest time I’ve had my eyes on the portly, bearded fellow they call Zach Galifianakis. Although too good looking to ever fall for an ogre like myself, I often find myself alone, late at night, watching his hilarious standup on youtube, pretending that we’re dating, hoping that we will one day date. His dead-pan delivery makes me want to bake him a cake today and two tomorrow. His nonchalance and his quiet confidence are reason enough for me to shave his shoulders while pleasuring him manually. But I digress. It is all for not. Finally Hollywood has realized that he is in fact going to be the next “it” boy of comedy, and have cast him alongside Ed Helms and Bradley Cooper in his first leading role. The film is called HANGOVER. It’s to be directed by Todd Phillips. It’s about some boys and a bachelor party and Vegas. Zach will be a big star. I will get ditched, and die sad, cold, beaten and alone. I need a drink.