Halloween: Resurrection

A new Internet reality show picks six students to spend a night in Michael Myers’ childhood home. Myers is the unstoppable killing machine who was destroyed in the last installment of the HALLOWEEN series. Uuuhmm, but if he was killed last time, how come he’s back in this-aawwww, forget it, it’s all “explained” in the movie. Bottom line: kids in dark house, psychotic knife-wielding killer inside…mayhem ensues!

I’m gonna be honest here and say that I truly expected this film to bite the big one walking into the theater. I had heard nothing but bad bits about it from the very start, from its casting issues to last minute re-shoots to delayed release dates, with almost nothing positive about it anywhere. The film’s trailer also looked like crap, so crap is what I was expecting. But color me surprised as I actually walked out of the theater with a handful of cheap scares under my belt, half a smile on my face and some very basic enjoyment all around. Not a classic horror tale by any means, but certainly not the dogshit that I expected either. It’s basically a “cheapie night” recommendation or a video rental for those lonely ass winter weekends (get scared, then jerk off). But before I get into my specifics, it’s to note that I am not a big HALLOWEEN connaisseur, so everything that I say comes solely from my opinion as a “regular” horror moviegoer (I am not even gonna try to justify Michael Myers’ presence in a movie starring a rapper and a supermodel…trust me, I’ve learned my lesson in the past). If you want to check out a real horror expert’s opinion on the flick though, check out the Arrow’s three cents here. As for me, I kinda liked the premise of the movie, although the “reality” thing is a tad passé at this point (but the whole Internet angle and webcams were kinda cool), appreciated many of its kills, which is why I suppose most of these movies are made in the first place, and dug Michael Myers as a character; the dude just never goes down and the whole “unstoppable killing machine” thing is always a blast to watch.

On the other hand, there was a subplot involving these annoying teens at a Halloween party watching the whole evening on the Net which kinda sucked, and most of the characters were severely underdeveloped, but for what is was…it did deliver some suspense, a couple of creepy moments and I can’t say that I was ever really bored (this probably had more to do with the film’s skimpy runtime of 85 minutes though). It’s basically “serviceable horror” and if that’s what you’re looking for, you will likely get half a kick out of this flick. If you’re looking for deeper meaning, something to keep you awake at nights, T&A galore…this definitely isn’t it (although a couple of T’s do come out and say “hi” at some point). In other words, don’t go in expecting SESSION 9, THE OTHERS or THE DEVIL’S BACKBONE, because this puppy ain’t shooting for those stars. The actors are also pretty generic with Tyra’s Banks (oops, I mean Tyra Banks-by the way, she doesn’t show off her bonbons here, so save your dough if that’s what you were “banking” on…hehehe…I crack myself up) strolling through for her quickie paycheck, Busta Rhymes actually generating some laughs (“Trick or treat, motherfucker!”), although nobody’s quite sure if they were laughing at him or with him, and Jamie Lee Curtis, completing her contractual obligation to the series. The kids in the film are also quite lame and basically look like kids from other teen flicks with the one big-boobed annoying chick doing her best impression of Brittany Murphy, another delivering her lead role just as it was parodied in SCARY MOVIE, and a couple of other dudes looking like the guys from AMERICAN PIE and SAVE THE LAST DANCE respectfully (or was that really them??).

Overall, the film zooms by faster than a Robert Downey Jr. stint at rehab, delivers a decent opening sequence, a couple of slick thrills and bloody kills, but the characters are all pretty boring, the story lacks in originality and to be quite frank, the film doesn’t really deliver any “woah!” sequences whatsoever. Going, going…gone! Oh and for the record, I actually enjoyed HALLOWEEN: H20.

(c) 2021 Berge Garabedian