Freddy Got Fingered

A 28-year old moron who still lives with parents tries to find a job so that his mom and pop will be proud of him. During his quest, he jerks off a horse, delivers a baby, canes a handicapped woman who blows him afterwards and sprays elephant semen all over his father. Oh…a family movie!

Tom Green, the star, co-writer and director of this film called it one of the “stupidest, most disgusting movies you’ve ever seen”. And while I can certainly agree with him on those two points, you may have noticed the conspicuous absence of the word “funniest” from his quote. First off, let’s all agree that if you go to see this movie despite the fact that you do not like Tom Green or his zany sense of humor, then you’re just asking to be called an idiot yourself. In other words, DO NOT see this movie if you don’t appreciate the man’s style of humor!! (that goes to other film critics as well, since it’s obviously NOT geared for you folks). Okay, now that I got that out of the way, let me discuss the ups and downs of this movie with those who do appreciate some of Tom Green’s shenanigans. I personally think he’s a pretty funny guy. Now I don’t consider him a God of comedy or anything, and certainly do agree that most of his “humor” is more in the realm of disgusting than funny, but I definitely did go into this movie with an open mind and a desire to enjoy myself. And while I did enjoy myself during the first half hour or so, which probably included some of the grossest scenes ever seen on film before, the laughs just didn’t hold up.

In the end, the story of this movie was just too weak, and the only thing that kept it going was its disgusting sequences, which received quite a few cheap, loud laughs. But the film’s second half lost those moments as well. The laughs slowed down, the repulsively funny moments disappeared and you quickly came to realize that this wasn’t a “movie” after all, but rather just some funny sketches that Tom Green thought would be humorous to incorporate into a motion picture. And even though the film definitely does include some scenes that are quite funny and unforgettable, the majority of it was unremarkable with slow patches, a dinky cameo by Drew Barrymore and many, and I mean, MANY cock jokes. I personally enjoyed the scene in which Tom Green jerked off a horse, but the scene itself came out of nowhere (like many others). And even though it was funny in a “I can’t believe I’m watching a man do this” kinda way, it just wasn’t incorporated into the story as well as it could have been. Okay, so we don’t go to see these types of movies for their intricate plot devices in the first place, but like I said before, the second half of this film just lagged too much, so I could only recommend that you see this movie on video (and even then, only if you’re a Tom Green fan!).

On the positive tip, I was quite impressed with Tom’s skills as a director, a kickass skateboarder and loved the eclectic soundtrack. Good stuff, you crazy Canuck! And I certainly respected him for recognizing the film’s lag near the end, as one of the characters held up a sign that read “When is this fuckin’ movie gonna end already?” Very funny. Too bad I can’t say the same thing about entire movie. I’m half and half on this one, folks, but have no idea how much of this stuff got past the MPAA. I mean…wow! “Daddy, would you like some sausage?!”, indeed!

(c) 2021 Berge Garabedian