Thanksgiving Face-Off: Leatherface Vs. The Creeper

November 25th 2013, 1:41am

Last Updated on August 3, 2021

It feels like a holiday miracle that the crappy Friday the 13th remake actually got some minor love with our last Face-Off. It seems that the majority disagreed with the outcome that had Ken Kirzinger beating Derek Mears as the better Jason. I will say this to the Mears supporters: sorry your guy lost, but go ahead and look back at the categories. It takes more than just how a slasher moves to win a Face-Off. Then again, maybe I’m just bitter.

Today’s Face-Off once again pits two famed slashers against each other, but with a bit of a holiday twist. See, with it being Thanksgiving this Thursday, my sick mind got to thinking, what would it be like having a horror slasher home for a holiday meal? It didn’t take long for me to recall two top notch killers that happen to enjoy eating one thing… or another. Hence, the table has now been set to see who would make a better guest to have for Thanksgiving dinner… Leatherface or The Creeper? Dig in!

Turkey Carver

We all know that Mr. Leatherface has on-the-job experience working with all types of butcher products, so carving a turkey should be cake. Having that trusty chainsaw should certainly help in slicing off drumsticks at a quick rate. Sure, there may be a bit of a splatter factor from them big, sharp chains, but the family could have some fun with it. Maybe wear tarps and raincoats like they’re at a Gallagher show?

By his expertise handiwork with taking apart human bodies, I’m certain that The Creeper would have no trouble exquisitely carving up a freshly baked bird. Plus, he’s got that big ol’ axe that is sharp enough to take off a guy’s head with a single swing. With his precision and strength, I bet he could set a record for fastest disbursement of white and dark meat.

Stress

Despite Leather’s murderous tendencies, he was raised to be respectful when sitting down at the dinner table. Even if your aunt the lush has one too many and begins screaming non-stop for ten straight minutes, Leatherface still should be able to keep his cool and not go flying off the hinges.

The Creeper is kind of a wild card in the stress department. If he’s fully stocked up on fresh body parts, you don’t have to really worry about him ingesting Uncle Floyd’s right arm or Aunt Diane’s innards. However, if he’s even slightly short on any type of organ or appendage, then Tom Turkey won’t be the only thing having its guts ripped out from the inside.

Attire

Fashion is surprisingly a big part of Leatherface’s resume. It’s just not very fashion-forward. Don’t be surprised if he shows up to Thanksgiving dinner in a bloody, flowery moo-moo wearing a skin mask with a ridiculously crazy amount of eyeshadow and lipstick. It will probably be enough to make many a member lose their appetite… or think they invited one large transvestite to celebrate the holiday.

The Creeper actually has a bit of hip style about him when it comes to dressing. Remember, he’s spent years convincing others that he looks “human” and dressing the part is a big part of the disguise. Also, his mannerisms suggest that stylin’ is the name of his game from the way he suavely adjusts his hat to his causal whistling of the tune “Jeepers Creepers”. I could see him rocking a festive sweater vest along with khakis and a button down.

Food Consumption

Leatherface is one big boy and it would most definitely take a lot of stuffing and mashed potatoes to fill him up. He ain’t picky either, so even if the food tastes like ass (like literal human ass), he’s still gonna partake in some mass consumption. And I’m guessing after getting a taste of a turkey main course he will never want to go back to his own family’s “brain course”.

We all know that The Creeper can eat and eat and eat! I just wonder if he’ll get a little freaked out if he ends up growing a drumstick where his arm used to be after partaking in the turkey. If the Creeper truly is what he eats, then too much food consumption could end up turning him into Black Friday leftovers!

Family Guy

If there’s one thing a mentally challenged, psychotic Leatherface understands, it’s the importance of family. He was raised to respect and love those that dwell within his rundown abode. You and your family would definitely benefit if you’re a loving, close-knit group when opening up your doors to the man who has a room full of human bones and facial skin masks.

There isn’t much known about The Creeper spending time with families other than when he’s tearing them apart. I don’t know if he ever even had some kind of weird Creeper clan. Besides, it’d probably be tough keeping close family ties when you only wake up once every 23 years for 23 days. Hence, I couldn’t see him getting too into the spirit of a family holiday unity.

Leatherface

It was one tight turkey-infused race, but Leatherface got the bigger half of the broken wish bone! Do you guys think he deserves it? Would you prefer to sit down to Thanksgiving dinner with The Creeper? Is there another slasher you’d prefer to break bread with? By all means, spit them bullets below and let us all know! And feel free to send any future Face-Off ideas to me at [email protected].