The majority obviously agreed, some even laughably, with the king of our last Halloween seasoned
Original Vs. Remake, which had John Carpenter’s HALLOWEEN making Rob Zombie’s redo its bitch. Yes, the 1978 original was the clear choice, yet some still had to make it known that Zombie’s version wasn’t a total shitfest (like his sequel). I’m cool with that.
For today’s O vs. R, we are trying to keep the ol’ Halloween spirit alive by sticking with another film from the era of John Carpenter. With the days getting darker earlier, visibility is getting a little tough. Pretty soon, I bet some November fog will be rolling in. So, lock your doors and turn on the lighthouse because we are about to delve into both versions of The Fog!
On the eve of its 100th anniversary, the town of Antonio Bay begins experiencing strange phenomena. Soon, an eerie fog begins rolling in from off the shore and people begin to die around it in horrific ways. What’s in the fog?! Turns out, many of the townspeople are harboring a deadly secret from the past that is coming back to haunt them in a big way.
The remake does not stray far away from the original’s basic storyline much at all. The town is celebrating its anniversary, weird things start happening, and a creepy fog is comes in from the shore. However, whatever differences do exist, seem shoehorned in just to make the film seem slightly unlike the original. Problem is, all of these little changes are very stupid.
Let’s see. There’s Jamie Lee Curtis, Tom Atkins, Adrienne Barbeau, and Janet Leigh, just to name a few of the actors in the original. That’s a hell of a cast for a horror flick and trust me, their performances all pay off in spades. You’re completely invested with everyone in the town and truly fear for their lives as the fog takes over. Hal Holbrook is a great standout as the heavy-drinking Father Malone.
The remake didn’t luck out so much in the acting department. Perhaps all the actors involved realized how poor the script was and just didn’t care because they’ve all been better elsewhere. This is a big reason why the remake feels like such a borefest. Every performance seems to lack motivation and feeling, as if the actors are just going through the motions.
It’s the early 80’s and the practical effects magic is in full swing. All the ghouls within the fog are actually people dressed up in creepy prosthetics and actual glowing eyes. All the gore is shown with actual fake blood and zero CGI crap. And, of course, all the fog on display is the real, smokey deal!
Ugh, you just knew they were going to go with lame-ass CGI for this one! And sure enough, we get a shitload of green-screen-inspired crap. What does that mean? Stupid-looking ghosts that are in no way scary and cater to the PG-13 crowd. If that’s not enough, even the f*cking fog is fake CGI!
With Mr. Carpenter’s masterful direction and score, the scares come quite easy to The Fog. It also doesn’t hurt that all the evil spirits and made up with practical F/X, which helps the viewer in believing that their evil asses are actually there when attacking. The town of Antonio Bay is shot in creepy dark shadows at night, which further amps the uneasiness.
Did the filmmakers even watch the original?! Everything that equated to scary in the 1980 version seems to have been completely scrapped. The eerie shadows? The looming sense of dread? It’s all gone and replaced with sleep-inducing visuals and dialogue. There are just a few poorly conceived jump scares.
This film has two of the greatest genre hotties to ever grace the silver screen. There’s Jamie Lee Curtis fresh off her star-making turn in Carpenter’s Halloween and playing a very different role than Laurie Strode. She actually has sex very quickly! Then, there’s the sultry Adrienne Barbeau as sexy radio DJ, Stevie Wayne. Tough to go wrong with these two ladies.
Okay, so at least Maggie Grace and Selma Blair are a couple of super hot ladies. Sure, their performances are nothing special, but at least we get that lovely butt shot of Miss Grace in her panties, which is about the only part of the flick that won’t put you to sleep. And Selma’s sizzling voice is a nice fit for the Stevie Wayne role.
Here again, we have the master, John Carpenter, in his prime directing yet another horror classic. The man really knows how to set up a scene for scares! The entire atmosphere of The Fog oozes eerie and it is just a freaky joy to sit through. His shots of the fog’s occupants work wonderfully in giving you the creeps without giving away too much. And, like Halloween, his music talents deliver another outright chilling score.
Oh, Rupert Wainwright. You never had a chance, did you? You had to have known that even after you took the job. What else can explain the sheer lack of creativity present in this remake? I may have mentioned this before, but this is one slow-moving, boring chore of a movie. That is unacceptable for a horror flick, especially if you’re trying to redo a Carpenter classic.
I don’t think the outcome to this bout was the slightest bit foggy. Was there ever any doubt that Carpenter’s original would absolutely own the remake? Is there anyone out there who can actually give a valid explanation as to the merits of the remake? That’s why we have the battles, my friends! So please, fire your bullets below on all things The Fog! And if you have any flicks you’d like to see in this column, give me a shout at
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