Original Vs. Remake: Halloween

Here with the remake, at least something slightly different is tried with us getting a glimpse of young Michael Myers’s life. The only problem is that his childhood is shown in a ridiculously over-the-top white trash fashion (a lame plot tool that Rob Zombie seems to be obsessed with). At least it’s kinda cool seeing young Michael in action. The second half of the flick is basically a rushed retelling of the original.

Listen, I know Robert Zombie loves to put his wife, Sheri, in his movies and that’s his prerogative. However, her shitty acting hurts every movie he makes. The rest of his cast doesn’t fair very well, but not because they are incompetent actors. A great deal of the dialogue is just so f*cking awful that it takes a toll on the performances. Every time I think someone’s doing a good job, they say something that makes them sound like they’re nine years old.

The blood certainly flows in abundance in the remake. I certainly wouldn’t expect somebody like Robert Zombie to pull off solid scares with minimal gore. Hence the red stuff is thrown all over the place as Michael slashes and stabs his way from youth to adulthood. Fortunately, all the effects are pleasantly practical for a realistic effect.

The remake’s motto seems to be the louder, the scarier. How else could you explain the overly aggressive manner with which Michael’s attack scenes are filmed. The camera gets all shaky and every object around him gets pounded to pieces. I get that the remake Michael is a big guy and can deliver death with a vengeance, but that really isn’t the essence of the character (remake or not). His ridiculously heightened intensity actually ends up taking away from the scares.

The one thing other than brutal violence that Mr. Zombie seems to love to exploit, is definitely women. In fact in his eyes, it appears that brutality and women often go hand in hand, especially when said women are wearing next to nothing. Yes, Scout is cute, but the real hotness comes from two former child stars that are now all grown up. Hanna Hall and Danielle Harris both expose their lovely racks. There’s Sheri Moon Zombie (at least her ass can act). Lastly, the sultry Kristina Klebe takes Lynda a step further by showing us everything!

Oh, Robert. Haven’t you been bashed enough? Instead, I’m just going to try and explain why some people have developed such a large distaste for your movies. The white trash angle is getting very old. Maybe it’s your crutch because it’s easier to write dialogue when your characters are morons? Regardless, it’s extremely juvenile. That is how the Halloween remake feels at times. Like some 13 year old was allowed to make it. The majority of the material feels so blatant and uninspired. The Shape deserves better than that.