There were zero suspicions with the result of our last
Original Vs. Remake which had John Carpenter’s The Thing easily besting it’s 2011 remake/prequel. Although some people took issue with the fact that the 2011 was definitely way more prequel than remake, we still say it so closely parallels Carpenter’s film that it rightfully deserved to battle in this column. Thank you very much.
You must have known that today’s jolly O vs R was coming at ya sooner or later. And with this being the final Original vs. Remake before Christmas, the time felt right to go forward and finally work through both versions of Black Christmas. Before we begin, though, please remember that this column is about discussing the factors of two movies that are clearly similar. Sure, we crown a winner as well because it wouldn’t be a battle without some kind of result. Just wanted to get that out of the way ’cause of course, I know that Bob Clark’s 1974 Black Christmas is a horror movie masterpiece and the 2006 remake is well, um… infamous. With that said, turn off your phones and nosh on some Christmas cookies as we talk about what Billy did!
A sorority house begins receiving strange, disturbing phone calls right around Christmas time. Little do they know that a psychotic killer is hiding in the attic of the house and has some sick ideas on his mind. As sorority sisters begin to disappear, the remaining few desperately try to figure out what is going on with the help of a local police Lieutenant. On the night of Christmas Eve, terror is all they will find under the tree.
A sorority house being terrorized on Christmas Eve is about the only thing the remake lifts from the original. This time, we all know that the psycho is named Billy, who had a very f*cked up upbringing within the sisters’ home years earlier. Lots of blood and eyeballs are soon spilled as a psychotic holiday family reunion becomes put into place. You’ve gotta suspend some disbelief in order to digest a good portion of this cheesy slice of Christmas ham.
The performances in Black Christmas are outstanding all across the board. The reason it still holds up today as one of the scariest horror films ever is because how smart the acting is. Olivia Hussey with her sweet English accent predates Jamie Lee Curtis for scream queen supremacy and is pitch perfect. A pre-Superman Margot Kidder is also aces as the tough-talkin, sorority drinker. And pre-Nightmare on Elm Street John Saxon kicks ass as the Lieutenant.
Everyone in the remake is some type of accomplished actor, so I really don’t want to knock anyone’s performance too much. However, some of the dialogue hinges (and cringes) heavily on the cheese. All the sorority sisters come off as bitchy. Plus, every time Katie Cassidy yells something, she sounds extremely annoying. Billy’s evil mother is actually pretty fun. And Andrea Martin, who was in the original, adds some class as the house mother.
This was still a low budget horror film, which didn’t leave room for any grand effects. However, the story didn’t require anything extravagant in terms of action or gore. In fact, the rather minimal amount of gore shown actually assists the suspense in the whole less-the-more manner. I’d say the best effect the movie pulled off was how realistic the clear plastic bag over Claire’s head looks once she is dead.
If there’s one thing the remake does right it’s how unabashedly it overdoes the gore factor. The flick absolutely revels in its nastiness, throwing gobs of blood at the screen like the meaning of Christmas depended on it. From icky eyeball rippings to sick stabbings to an epic bit involving a new recipe for Christmas cookies, the thing gives Sylvester Stallone a running in terms of over the top!
Man, does Black Christmas ever ratchet up the tension! Sure, the film may be a slight slow burn, but damned if your not on the edge of your seat or crouching into a ball the whole time. Every time you hear Billy’s voice whether it’s on the phone or in the attic, your skin crawls. Any time he gets near a sorority girl, your heart is pounding. The biggest and best jump is the sudden intensity with which his hands grab Claire at the beginning, including the horrifying roar he exhales.
The most intense thing about the remake, again, is the rampant violence. The kills come fast and bloody and do not let up. Nothing is sacred. Each comeuppance is brutal and clearly aware of its harshness. However, nothing at all is even remotely scary. Everything is too hilariously tongue in cheek.
The ladies on hand here are 1970’s sorority chicks and there are a few cuties, but there is no skin on hand. Olivia Hussey is super sweet from top to bottom, and that accent only makes her hotter. Margot Kidder also exudes some slurring sexiness with her drunken ways. That is actually about it. This film was too busy telling a suspense tale to perfection to worry about throwing in gratuitous nudity.
At least the remake fulfilled the sexy sorority chick quotient quite nicely. Nearly every female in this movie is hot. We don’t get a great deal of nudity, but that isn’t the end of the world. You can’t go wrong watching a flick that includes Katie Cassidy, Michelle Trachtenberg, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Lacey Chabert, Kristen Cloke, and Crystal Lowe.
Bob Clark was a master at creating suspense with a brilliantly minimalist approach. I’d say that the original Halloween owes a bit of its success to Black Christmas. The way the man juxtaposes the warm glow of Christmas against such ghastly horror is beautiful. By never fully revealing Billy with the help of some shadows or a cracked door, our minds elevate him to a nightmarish monster. The scene with Billy stabbing a sorority sister interspersed with young carolers singing at the front door perfectly sums up the experience.
I don’t know if Glen Morgan thought he was being subversively creative or was pissed at his producers or felt like playing some elaborate prank, but I don’t think he delivered the kind of final product that fan’s of the original were hoping for. This damn thing is just so all over the place. It was not put together with a skilled hand. At least he pushed that hard R rating, though.
Okay, no one ever thought for a second that the remake of Black Christmas was going to win this, right? I think that was made pretty clear in the opening paragraph at the top of this column. So, now that the obvious has been stated and realized, we can get down to the juicier morsels regarding both flicks. How high does the 1974 Black Christmas deserve to be ranked in the horror community? How bad does the remake become until it’s actually kind of fun? Personally, I enjoy watching both films around this time of year. But what matters right now is what YOU think! So kindly fire some silver and gold bullets below! And if you have any flicks you’d like to see in this column, give me a shout at
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