Everyone seemed to have some nice holiday fun with our last
Face-Off. It was cool seeing people agree and support the often maligned Black X-mas by recognizing that it did possess enough cheesy charm to take out the also fun Silent Night remake.
Today, on this merry Christmas Eve, we are bringing you our final holiday Face-Off and pitting two Christmas characters against each other that you definitely do NOT want knocking on your door or coming down your chimney tonight! Both are from a couple of classic/funny holiday horrors that are sure to put an evil grin on your face. So throw another log on your fire and prepare for Silent Night, Deadly Night’s Santa Billy versus the titular character from Jack Frost!
Oh, how the naughty are punished! With a wide array of deadly weapons ranging from basic to creatively Christmas-y, Santa Billy slashes and impales his way through a cold, small town. In the span of one full day, he earns himself a score of eight confirmed kills.
This snowman is not one jolly, happy soul and has quite a taste for killin’. Even though he gets transformed from a man into a mutant snowman, Jack certainly makes the best of his freshly frozen state by utilizing a bunch of wintery weaponry to the tune of twelve kills.
Billy definitely makes good use of whatever is at his disposal when he comes across someone on his naughty list. At the store where he works, he is able to strangle with Christmas lights, cut with a box cutter, and puncture with a toy bow and arrow. A sharp axe definitely makes for a handy head removal. And, of course, his best bit involves a pair of antlers and a hell of an impalement.
Now, Jack Frost gives horror fans a wonderful abundance of fun and inventive kills. We get a fast death by an axe (the reverse end) and the sharp blades at the base of a sled make for a nice beheading. He fires sharp icicles from his arms like bullets. And since he can turn to water and freeze at will, we get a great death through ingestion and a nasty bathtub assault death with his carrot nose.
Santa Billy definitely brings the red stuff on Christmas. And I’m not talking about his suit and hat. Each death happily spurts out loads of oozing blood. Slashed throats and impaled bodies all spout glorious fountains of dark crimson. It’s all joyfully icky and on display in perfectly practical fashion.
Though Jack Frost does dispatch of many a victim, the results are for the most part, pretty bloodless. It’s as if he is going more for a funny death as opposed to a gory one. At least his icicle “bullets” cause some of the red stuff to spill. But there really isn’t too much to write home to the North Pole about.
Even though Santa Billy is more serious than your usual pun-spouting killer, he does shoot off some pretty memorable quotes:
“PUNISH!”
“You know, you shouldn’t talk like that.”
“I don’t bring toys to naughty children. I punish them… severely.”
“Punishment is necessary, Pamela. It… is… GOOD!”
“NAUGHTY!”
Now Jack Frost is a master of the one-liner. Who would have ever thought that a walking, talking, killing snowman could be so funny? Here’s a sampling:
“Well it ain’t fucking Frost!”
“Looks like Christmas came a little early this year. Well, I hope it was good for you honey. Oh, I must remember to send flowers.”
“Is it cold in here or is it just me?”
“The world’s most pissed-off snow cone!”
“Don’t eat yellow snow!
Santa Billy may be insane, but he does have an affinity for the holiday. Sure, it’s a f*cked up affinity, but Christmas is still in his heart. He’s no Grinch. He actually only goes after those he deems naughty. In an extreme way, he is merely enforcing the kind of rules originated by Santa. There’s a scene where he encounters an innocent little girl and instead of killing her, he bestows upon her a gift.
Jack Frost must have some sort of deep connection with Christmas because that name of his can’t be just a coincidence. He does make himself look like a traditional Frosty. And he does go about his killing with a festive touch of merriment. However, killing is the main thing on this snowman’s mind. The holiday definitely takes a back seat.
Well, that bout jingled all the way down to the wire! And low and behold, Mr. Jack Frost ended up at the top of the tree! Is it me or does this seem like a Christmas miracle? I hope you were able to find some fun with this holiday Face-Off instead of a big lump of coal. Go ahead and sip some eggnog and post your opinions below as well as what other Christmas time baddies you’d like to see battle! And feel free to send any future Face-Off ideas to me at
[email protected]. MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!