Face-Off: The Lost Boys vs. The Monster Squad

The baddest of the bad have descended upon Baton Rouge, Louisiana. An intimidating iteration of Dracula leads a reunion of most of the major Universal Monsters (even though this wasn’t a Universal movie). There’s the Mummy, shambling around in its bandages, and the Gillman, both devoted servants to Dracula. There’s also the Wolfman, a servant to Dracula when in wolf form but in human form he’s a good guy who’s terrified of what his alter ego does. Frankenstein’s Monster is another servant who doesn’t work out for Dracula, as he’s too good-hearted. Dracula has some apocalyptic plans he’s seeking to carry out. Good and evil are held in balance by an amulet made of concentrated good, but if Dracula can destroy the amulet at midnight on a certain night the balance will shift and evil will rule the world. These monsters aren’t just a threat to a town or a family, but to the entire planet.

Most horror fans, particularly those who got into the genre at a young age, can probably relate to the kids who make up the titular Monster Squad. The main character is Sean, who is so obsessed with horror that he has founded a club that gets together just to celebrate monsters. To get in, you have to pass a test to prove you know your stuff. In the club are Sean’s right hand man Patrick, a little boy named Eugene (and his dog), a bullied kid named Horace but called Fat Kid, and the bully-busting Rudy, certainly the coolest of the bunch. Sean’s little sister Phoebe would like to join the club, but Sean has banned her. The Monster Squad are a likeable bunch, more fun overall than the Lost Boys heroes, and the group gets even cooler with the addition of a Scary German Guy and Frankenstein’s Monster.

This being a more kid-friendly film, there aren’t a lot of serious scares to be found in here. Waking up in the night to find that the Mummy is hiding in his bedroom closet is probably traumatizing for young Eugene. Squad members get a bigger fright when they enter the old house Dracula has moved into and get cornered by the Count, the Wolfman, and Dracula’s three brides. They only escape that scenario thanks to a kick to the nards and a slice of garlic pizza. Poor little Phoebe has to face both the Mummy and Dracula. If I were Sean, I would be especially haunted by the thought that I was nearly dragged into a vortex to limbo by Dracula.

It’s a good thing Rudy takes shop class, because that’s where he makes not only the wooden stakes to use against the vampires but also the silver bullet they’ll need to use against the Wolfman. That’s the only thing that can stop the Wolfman, which even reforms after being blown up with dynamite. Regular bullets are fine to use against the Gillman, the stakes and arrows (also supplied by Rudy) take care of Dracula’s brides, the Mummy gets unravelled. It’s the amulet Dracula wants that is his undoing, as that sucker can open up a vortex to limbo if a virgin speaks the right words in German. The vortex thing is a huge advantage, but the way THE LOST BOYS go out is more impressive.

The Monster Squad kids remind me of myself when I was that age, I just didn’t happen to have such a solid Squad around me, despite my best efforts to turn my friends into horror fans. If I were in this group, I’d be looking back at this entire time as a fun time. At least until the monsters start killing people. Even then, the kids seem to be getting some enjoyment out of the fact that they are besting actual monsters and saving the world. The situation only really seems to take a toll on Rudy, who has to do most of the killing.