Face-Off: Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) Vs. Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)

Yeah, this category is pretty much no contest. It’s not enough that you’ve got Jessica Biel, who is quite possibly the hottest actress in the biz, but as an added bonus, there’s genre hotties Erica Leerhsen as the spicy “Pepper” and Lauren German who even looks cute as a dirty, sobbing runaway. And in case you aren’t sure what I meant about still looking great despite getting all grimy, just check out Ms. Biel and how she fills out that tank top as she gets progressively dirtier and wetter. I’m sure Leatherface’s chainsaw was standing straight up.

I feel the 2003 remake kind of screwed up with the kills here. Not that they don’t take advantage of the huge chainsaw that Leatherface carries. The kills just don’t feel as shockingly real as they do in the original. Maybe they should have gone with the modern R-rated horror movie idea of throwing in tons more blood? Hell, we don’t even see Pepper getting chainsawed. It’s done from a way far off distance and feels like a let down. I will say that Morgan getting hung up and then chainsawed up through the nuts did produce an uncomfortable, if rather unrealistic, cringe.

This was an interesting and believable twist on the original’s version of the “drifter on the road”. Genre cutie, Lauren German, does an amazing job in the total non-vanity role as a sobbing, fearful girl who possibly recently endured some type of medical procedure. She’s much more of a straight-forward forewarner of the madness that is to come, but German’s top-notch performance makes it work. You’re utterly shocked when she whips out a gun and proceeds to blow the back of her head out. It’s a jarring scene and an ideal way to kick off the madness.

Andrew Bryniarski does a fantastic job of imbuing his Leatherface with a frightening, hulking stature. Whenever he’s onscreen wielding his chainsaw, shrieks ensue with ease. However, that’s the only facet of the fear spectrum that he seems to possess. There’s no big-time, disturbing edge that slices through the back of your mind, sending an ominous chill down your spine. I guess, it’s the kind of scary that every other modern horror flick goes with.

I will say this: in terms of storytelling, suspense, and creating an honorable remake to its source material, the 2003 version offers up a very fantastic finale. There’s no over-the-top screaming, no oddly mummified granddad, no abrupt ending. We get Jessica Biel doing her darndest to escape as well as save the baby that was unluckily born into Leatherface’s clan. In the process, she takes out R. Lee Ermy’s funny, but son-of-a-bitch character by running him over… twice! And, just so we don’t forget about who the main baddie is in the flick, ol’ Leatherface makes one final appearance and even swings his chainsaw slightly in homage to the original’s dance. The creative use of the police footage that opens the flick as the final scene is just icing on the bloody cake.