Dirty Love

A gorgeous blonde with impressive cleavage walks in on who-she-believed-to-be her “true love” banging another ditz in their house. Crushed by the betrayal, the woman spends most of the rest of the picture, bitching, crying, screaming, f*cking other guys in a variety of attempts to make her “ex” jealous. Will it work? Can Jenny McCarthy write good comedy? Even if it sucks, might you be able to use the film as “jerk-off material” later? Find out below!

At some point, “independent films” were supposedly discovered in Hollywood and everyone and their uncle Weinstein was looking for the next Kevin Smith or Quentin Tarantino to come out of nowhere and produce a film on a shoestring budget featuring a kickass, creative script that would take the world by storm. The thing was that most of the independent movies out there sucked almost as bad as anything that Hollywood was still churning out – though a little more pretentious, amateurish and downright bad. Well, DIRTY LOVE is the perfect example of an “indie flick” that relies solely on its star and screenwriter, Jenny McCarthy, to ride over its two-bit premise, horrible “love story”, over-the-top gross & totally unfunny jokes, cameo casting and its foundation based on little else than a possible 2-minute “Saturday Night Live” skit, and bombs terribly with almost nothing to maintain one’s interest, other than the beauty of its lead actress, her chutzpah to go “all out” in every scene (despite much of it being sadly without humor) and one “tit shot”. Yeah, you heard me…in a film starring ex-Playboy bunny McCarthy and Carmen “I live because I’m hot” Electra, the entire movie, which is filled with “adult humor” like cavity searches, sexual diseases, experimentation with drugs, fun with maxi-pads, puking, farting, basses up the asses (no joke) and lines like “Even Brad Pitt’s throbbing cock couldn’t make me feel better right now!”, gives us only one shot of McCarthy baring her boobies, and even then, she grabs hold of them like footballs and swings them around in front of a crowd waiting to get into a nightclub (actually, I guess that was a little funny, if only because McCarthy really “sells it”).

I can remember only one other scene in the entire 90-minute movie that made me laugh a touch and that featured McCarthy running around a grocery store with massive tampons in her hands while bleeding profusely across the aisles. I know, I know…it might not sound funny, but again…the girl really “sells it”, especially its final shot. But ultimately, this is a movie that should never have been made (her husband – at the time – directed it), with a two-bit love premise featuring the horribly miscast Eddie Kaye Thomas, looking more like McCarthy’s son in the film, rather than anyone with whom she might possibly have a relationship (he also plays the same dull character he played in the AMERICAN PIE movies), and idiotic “plot” mechanisms like McCarthy’s ex-boyfriend “coincidentally” showing up at every single place that she does. Sheesh. To boot, you pretty much know who she will end up with 5 minutes into the movie, so in the meantime, you have to sit through all of the gross-out jokes that are about five years too late, while people like Electra completely embarrass themselves, playing a supposed black Christina Aguilera gangsta type, which again…is about five years too late and overdone. Only McCarthy, for whom I’ve always had a soft spot comes off “okay”, but even then, she stars and wrote the damn thing and it’s really not very witty or entertaining (and shots of her simply screaming “Oh my God!!” for minutes on end…just…aren’t…funny), so I guess you gotta toss some blame onto her gorgeousness as well. Oh, being a fan of SUM 41, I was kinda happy to see them appear as a 3-minute music video halfway through the movie (spiced things up a little), but was insulted by the fact that the movie started off with the same little musical score from one of the greatest movies of all-time: TRUE ROMANCE. That’s sacrilegious, man.

(c) 2021 Berge Garabedian