Dario Argento’s Dracula 3D trailer looks like a pile

Last Updated on August 5, 2021

SUSPIRIA. OPERA. PROFONDO ROSSO. THE BIRD WITH THE CRYSTAL PLUMAGE.

…this shit.

It’s become increasingly sad to see how some of my horror idols have lost their touch completely. Wes Craven, for instance, seems determined to show that he never actually had any talent, and that his few great films were a fluke.

But Dario Argento, msn, no one had a run like him. But since THE STENDHAL SYNDROME in 1996 (with the exception of his great “Masters of Horror” episode PELTS) he’s made nothing but shit. MOTHER OF TEARS, DO YOU LIKE HITCHCOCK, PHANTOM OF THE OPERA- all films that show nothing of his former skill, nothing that shows a master at work.

His latest film DRACULA 3D, shot in our favorite dimension, looks terrible already. Not just the special effects (which are works in progress), absolutely everything about it.

But you know, any other director and this would have been an instant must-watch. I mean- it looks just so bad it must be great, right? Especially if you’re drunk or high. Did I mention Dracula knocking off people’s heads or the giant Praying Mantis? 

Note that there’s a quick shot of breasts and a lot of violence, so you might want to hold off till after work/school. Also, it completely gives away the ending of the film so you’ll never, ever have to see it. Enjoy…?