Kevin Smith is a funny motherf*cker. Seth Rogen is a funny motherf*cker. Smith and Rogen together… you’re asking for a gut-busting good time, and that’s exactly what went down for the ZACK & MIRI MAKE A PORNO panel, hosted by Smith himself. Not only was Rogen there, but cast members Justin Long, Jason Mewes, Elizabeth Banks, Scott Mouser,Traci Lords, Katie Morgan, and Ricky Mabe were there as well.
To do this panel justice would be to actually film the entire hour and a half and slap it online… the whole thing was that f*cking funny. But you don’t have the time, and neither do I, so I’ll try and do the panel justice. I’ve never laughed so hard in my life, and suggest if you ever get to see either Smith or Rogen live, take it! You won’t be disappointed.
Smith kicks starts the panel with an exclusive scene for the Comic-Con… a scene that is introduced with a bunch of warnings and requests not to record it and put it on the internet. Yes, you f*cknuts, put the f*cking camera down before I f*ck you up. This warning, which even called out Bitchtits who heckled Smith at last year’s panel, was about five minutes long and was thoroughly entertaining. Then the clip starts, and there’s the fine bare ass of a stripper shaking her thing. Oops, wrong clip. Then the real clip comes up:
Rogen and Banks are at their 10 year high school reunion. Banks is off flirting with Brandon Routh (SUPERMAN!), and Rogen is off to the side, talking to Justin Long–a dude with slick black hair and wearing a nice suite. They talk, it comes out Long is a gay porn star and Routh is his gay lover. Banks was hoping to hook-up with Routh, but not anymore, because… well, he’s gay. Routh is not as open to being gay as Long is, and before you know it they’re having a gay lovers quarrel. They then kiss and make up after Long tells Routh “You better shut your mouth before I f*ck it.”
This has the audience rolling on the ground–it truly was hilarious. This movie is gonna rock, and if you needed anything more than just th trailer to know that, trust me when I say… this movie is gonna bust your gut and then some.
Smith starts the panel and opens to hear questions from the crowd. This is where things get ultra-funny. Gut-busting funny, really. Not only were all the cast members on top of their game, but even some of the people asking the questions were funny as hell. Let’s just hope I can do this panel some justice… just imagine what it would be like to hear Smith or Rogen say any of this stuff… trust me, it’s that much funnier.
Smith says no to film school; Rogen says no to school in general. Smith reveals that he ate so much during the making of Z&M that it really hurt his asshole to be shitting out the kind of shits he had to take in his tiny trailer. Rogen calls the making of this movie boringly enjoyable–nothing crazy went on, he just had a blast coming to work every day. The last three times Smith has submitted Z&M to the MPAA it has come back with an NC-17. He’s contracted to release an R rated movie, so he’s taking it to the appeals process.. we should find out what happens in August. Cuts had to do with thrusting and other unmentionable things. The entire cast loved working with Smith. Mewes and Mouser both sucked his balls on set. Long was sick during his shoot, and actually got Routh sick after filming the scene where they kissed. Mabe and Rogen played lots of XBOX on the set. Weed helps Smith write. Banks’ main concern was whether she was going to have to show off her tits in the movie. They say we’ll have to see the movie to see whether she does or not. After making movies about getting knocked up, underage drinking, smoking lots of weed, and dorks getting laid, it was the logical step in Rogen’s film career to tackle a porno comedy. Mewes signed on to be in the movie because he thought he’d at least get his dick sucked.
Morgan was excited to be in a real movie with a real director, and not just a porn movie. The “you better shut your mouth before I f*ck it” line was improved by Long, who had a buddy who overheard a gay couple actually say that to each other. Smith had Rogen in mind when he wrote the part, but had Rosario Dawson in mind for Miri. Dawson had scheduling conflicts, so Banks eventually got the role. Rogen plays a stand-up comic in Judd Apatow’s next movie. Rogen doesn’t get high during filming because it makes for long days. He does smoke a shitload of weed at the end of the day, however. Smith would never open a real-life Mooby’s restaurant chain. The only topic too taboo for Smith is rape. He can’t film it, he just can’t handle it. There won’t be another JAY & SILENT BOB movie, unless it’s called JAY RAPES SILENT BOB. CLERKS 3 will likely never happen either. Lords started staring in pornos when she was 15. Smith calls her the Miley Cyrus of porn. Rogen wishes he had a stalker to follow him around and send him pieces of his own hair. Smith has been wanting to make a movie about porn since the mid-90s, and now he as the chance to do so. Some idiot in the crowd asks the cast if they’d ever star in another Smith film again. Rogen says he’d like to answer that question if it wasn’t so f*cking stupid. Of course they all would! Banks thinks its harder to make people laugh (comedies) than to make people cry (dramas) Rogen and Smith never really talked about THE GREEN HORNET while making Z&M. Smith’s happy Rogen gets to make it. Smith is returning to making comics, and is collaborating with DC Comics for a new Batman miniseries. Smith would like to take on a courtroom drama someday because all that happens in a courtroom drama is people talking, and he thinks he can do a pretty good job making a movie about that. A Jay & Silent Bob ask them a question in character. They’re great at it, and they actually ask a decent question. Smith’s next movie is going to be set in space! Banks had a good time playing Laura Bush in Oliver Stone’s W. She says it was just ike playing a porn star–Rogen then says that she didn’t even have to change her name, either. Someone asks if this will be the first of many porn comedies, and if porn comedies will ever be their own sub-genre. Someone asks if anyone has ever considered quitting. The person’s not specific, so Rogen jokes about thinking about quitting life all the time, and that he’s still trying to eat a sandwich from two years ago but can’t keep going to just finish it. Rogen tells a great Ian McKellen joke, which goes into saying how great it is to be McKellen because he hit it big in his 80s, and now he can f*ck all sorts of dudes in their 20s. Normally, an 80 year old couldn’t f*ck a 20 year old, but since he’s famous, he’s f*cking 20 year old guys all the time. The crowd loves it… you probably should have had to be there.
Needless to say, this panel was the mother of all panels. I’ve never had so much fun as sitting in Hall H and listening to this group of funny motherf*ckers talk about the making of this movie. These guys are funny folks, they’re not just faking, it’s not just movie magic, and it’s not just the writing that has made them funny… they’re just genuinely funny people, which resulted in a fun time all around.
The footage, coupled with the hilarity of Smith, Rogen, and the rest of the cast doing what they do best (being funny!), leads me to believe that ZACK & MIRI MAKE A PORNO will become the next Kevin Smith classic comedy. Not sure if it’ll create a new section at Blockbuster labeled “porno comedies,” but the bar will be risen, people will laugh, and it won’t be the last time we see Smith & Rogen working together.