CON: Wrath of Con!

I love comics. I also love movies. These two facts make going to the San Diego International Comic Convention a special time of the year for me. I have the best of both worlds continuously slapping the shit out of me for the better part of four straight days. Here’s the thing though, even if none of that stuff was going on this past weekend I would’ve still done everything I could to make sure I was in town for one specific reason. The Wrath of Con is a celebration of internet geeks like no other. Robert & Stephanie Sanchez, of IESB.net organize with sponsors such as Poynt, TNA Wrestling, and FearNet.com and produce one hell of a night for us to just relax, have a few cocktails, and pat ourselves on the back.

Not fun.

Fun.

This year was no exception. Below is my running diary of the night. Keep in mind that somewhere between 10:00 and midnight, I lost a lot of basic functions. Some of these events could have all been a drunken dream.

7:00 – Two women enter the JoBlo VIP suite to get their breasts airbrushed. So we don’t get arrested, the JoBlo.com staff along with El Guapo from Latino Review head over to do some quality priming at the Focus Features party.

7:25 – The director of OLDBOY, Chan-wook Park walks by me and I don’t recognize him until Jimmy O yells at me.

7:45 – We eat the last of our free pizza and down our drinks. It’s time to head over for the Wrath.

8:00 – Moreno showers up and puts on his fancy pants. Mike Sampson looks over his room one more time before the party decides to take a giant dump in it. Rusty is already macking on some ladies. Jimmy O has his first of 95 sodas and fixes The Stache. Ammon practices his goofy secret pic face in the mirror. I take a deep breath and wonder if my shirt makes me look fat. It does. Let’s rock!!

8:15 – The VIP suite is filled with half dressed women dancing on the bed and dominating the bathroom.

8:30 – My first three rum & cokes go down like water. I start thinking about who I want to get in the ring with me later in the night.

9:00 – Daughtry takes the stage for his first set of the night as Ammon and I wonder how much this dude must get laid.

9:05 – Our first secret pic search comes up empty. I think Johnny Moreno is still the most famous person here at this point.

9:30 – There are hot women everywhere. Some are dancing, some are drinking, and all of them have asses like this.

9:40 – Brandon Routh is here promoting a movie called DEAD OF NIGHT. I think a clip was shown. Things are getting fuzzy.

10:00 – Ammon almost talks me into getting in the ring for pictures of me doing stupid drunk things. I back out at the last second in fear of getting kicked out.

10:05 – There is now a security guard in the ring. We may be talking too loud.

10:15 – This guy beats out Harry Knowles for best beard of the night. He seems genuinely happy about it.

10:35 – The JoBlo contingent grows as we run into both, Jenny Karakaya and Jenna Busch. We can finally stop with the sausage party jokes. We don’t.

10:45 – There are huge oiled-up men and women wrestling in the ring as TNA gets their promotional matches underway. I think I can take them.

11:30 – Robert Sanchez takes the center of the ring to give out the Wrath of Con Ultimate Fanboy Recognition Award to Zach Snyder, Roberto Orci, and Alex Kurtzman. How Snyder avoided our secret pic shenanigans all night is still a mystery.

11:40 – I run into Chris Stipp from Quick Stop Entertainment and we continue a conversation we were having earlier in the night about how much he loves The JoBlo Movie Podcast. I enjoy this and milk it for 40 minutes.

11:50 – While talking to Chris I can’t help but notice the wrestling ring is now being used as a dance floor for the most energetic women in half-tops I have ever seen. I just keep nodding and hope Chris isn’t saying anything too important.

12:20 – I walk right past Stan Lee and Bud Bundy. Ammon is nowhere to be found for the obvious secret pics.

12:30 – I find Ammon in bed. He says he was looking for me in our room and decided to take a rest. I scold him relentlessly.

12:35 – The JoBlo VIP suite is out of control. We actually have our own security guard now and need a secret code to get in. There are panties everywhere, no less than 6 girls giggling in the bathroom, and the air smells kind of funny.

1:00 – They run out of all alcohol except some strange Asian beer. I order four of them.

1:30 – The party starts to clear out just as I lose all vision in my left eyeball. Somebody asks me if I’m feeling alright as I walk in circles by myself. I think it was Jesus.

1:45 – Ammon and I retreat to our room and decide to do a podcast. This is the most ridiculous decision ever made.

3:00 – Out.

And with that, it was all over. Big thanks to Robert for allowing my drunk ass in and to the rest of the JoBlo.com staff for keeping me in line all night. Hopefully we’ll see you next year at what has easily become the greatest party in the world. It has to be, Bud Bundy was there.