C’mon Hollywood #227

…know a good script when you see one!
by J.A. Hamilton

When the concept of “early script reviews” hit the net I was as enthralled by the idea as everyone else. I mean, who WOULDN’T want a sneak peek at one of their upcoming favorite films? Problem is, every time I DO look into a future favorite, get excited as all hell by what I see and start crossing off the days on my calendar; the powers that be seem to swoop in like bloodthirsty pirates and sink my battleship. Of the script drafts I’m about to share with you (a couple you’ll no doubt have heard of, the other two maybe not), it surprised the shit out of me that Justin Marks (the dude who wrote the asstacular STREET FIGHTER: THE LEGEND OF CHUN LI) was the man behind a couple of them. What isn’t surprising however is that people chose to run with his shitty screenplay over the two good ones. F*cking typical.

The first one to completely blow me away was Marks’ He-man script, GRAYSKULL: THE MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE. This thing was a He-man fan’s dream come true, which can be derived from description: This is LORD OF THE RINGS meets THE MATRIX with a little BATMAN BEGINS thrown in for good measure. Now that’s a threesome I’d be more than willing to pay for. This script was serious take on the mythology; taking place on ETERNIA where we get the origin of He-man, Skeletor and THE POWER SWORD. There was absolutely no cheese on this pizza pie, and the story is a small piece of heaven with a tight, competent mix of both Fantasy and Sci-Fi genres. I suggest you look it up and read it if you have even a shred of love for the material, and I guarantee you’ll be hooked once you start reading EVIL-LYN’s narrated prologue.

Marks’s other script of interest is for VOLTRON. I loved the VOLTRON cartoon as a kid (the lion one, not the silly-ass car one), and after the success of the first TRANSFORMERS, I knew it was only a matter of time before we saw this big guy in action. Marks did his best with this script, a concept that was utterly destroyed by the invention of THE POWER RANGERS. This script does the show justice however, giving us a post-apocalyptic world overrun by an alien race with the cartoon’s iconic Robeats (giant robotic monsters who use our technology to heal themselves when damaged) roaming around and kicking ass. Keith, Lance, Hunk, Allura and Pidge are all here, albeit a bit different than we remember them, but here nonetheless. There’s no official word yet on whether or not they intend to use this script, which in my opinion is one of the ONLY ways this film would work and/or make sense on the big screen.

Another fantastic script came in the form of the new CONAN movie that we’ve been hearing bits and pieces about for months. I wasn’t sure how I felt about this remake at first as Arnold’s CONAN THE BARBARIAN will always have a large place in my heart. Thankfully Crom heard my prayers because Conan’s latest adventure is chalked to the brim with hacked off limbs, magical creatures, nudity, swordplay, drunkenness and plenty of 300-style action to fill your boots! Everything a CONAN movie SHOULD be as far as I’m concerned. The script is amazing, and as long as they find a decent enough replacement for Arnold (by far the most difficult part of this endeavor), we’re golden. Again, no solid word yet on if this script is “Yay” or “Nay” but they’d be stupid if they didn’t go with it as it’s EXACTLY what die hard Conan fans want.

Last but not least, we have Robert Rodriguez’ PREDATORS script which is taking everyone (myself included) by storm. By now you probably already know the story; a group of humanity’s bad to the bone Riddick types get dumped into the deadly jungles of the Predator home planet. And if that wasn’t crazy enough, they’ll have to contend with more than just your average Predators, as there’s a Super Predator roaming those jungles as well (as much as I’m hoping Derek Mears will get some “face time”, he would be PERFECT as the Super Predator). Sometimes I wish I could be sitting at the executive table during these script judging meetings to see how in hell these studios justify some of the bullshit we see on screen. Though the GREYSKULL script will forever haunt me with visions of what “could have been”, I’m happy that at least two of these scripts seem to have gotten the green light. Either way, Hollywood needs to stop f*cking around when it comes to great scripts.