C’mon Hollywood #148

… stop making those ridiculous spoof movies!
by Sturdy

Over the years, I’ve gotten a lot of suggestions for column ideas. Most of them are of the “we need more of (insert obscure actor’s name here)” nature, but the weird thing is, I’ve never gotten the same request twice. That is, until recently. Believe it or not, I’ve gotten several requests from Schmoes to write an article asking Hollywood to stop making those ridiculously awful spoof movies. As it turns out, I hate them as much as you guys and gals do. You can read my reviews of EPIC MOVIE and SCARY MOVIE 3.5

I think Kal Penn is a funny dude, but this was sad

Before we attack the recent spoof movies, I think we need to look back at some of the older spoof movies as a reference point. For me, the ultimate achievement in spoof movies is Mel Brooks’ SPACEBALLS. It had a story of its own, cool characters, and actually gave a twinge of respect to the films it was poking fun at. ROBIN HOOD: MEN IN TIGHTS is another good example, but I didn’t find that one nearly as funny. You might find this hard to believe, but I actually love the HOT SHOTS movies. They’re simple, but despite repeated viewings, I always find something to laugh at. LOADED WEPON 1 was another famous spoof film, but it didn’t have the same charm as the others.

I quote the asshole line at work all the time, mainly because it’s true.

Skip forward to present day and we have some piles of vomit known as DATE MOVIE, EPIC MOVIE, THE COMEBACKS, SCARY MOVIE 2-whatever they’re on now, NOT ANOTHER TEEN MOVIE, and most recently MEET THE SPARTANS. If you’ve seen more than one of these films, it’s ok (as long as it was on DVD). Spoof movies have that affect on people because you assume there’s going to be something to make you laugh at some point in the film. Plus, you figure they’ve got to get it right eventually. However, as you probably already know, these movies are so bad, that it makes me question whether anyone is even trying to make a funny spoof movie.

I didn’t really like the first one, but every sequel got progressively worse.

Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer have got to stop making films, period. They are not funny. Not only do they make horrible films, but based off the special features I’ve had to watch on their DVD’s, they’re not funny people. The funniest thing they’ve ever done or said was tagline from DATE MOVIE: “From two of the six writers of Scary Movie”. And I bet they didn’t even come up with that. I wonder if these guys are affected by the writer’s strike, because surely they don’t consider what they do “writing”. It’s natural to say their humor is juvenile, but I can honestly say I’ve never met anyone over the age of 9 that thinks and talks like they do. And here they are making movies. I can’t understand how the universe would allow that to happen. Magical forces have to be in play, that’s the only possible explanation.

Yeah, what I said for Kal goes double for Alison.

It would be easy to ask Hollywood to stop making these films, but why would they? If you can make $18 million on a spoof movie in its first week of release, why would you stop making them? If anything, I’m thanking Hollywood for not making more. No, the real culprits here are the people paying to go see these films. So if you paid to go see MEET THE SPARTANS or know someone that did, then you needn’t wonder why there are so many shitty movies being made. To everyone that has refused to go see these movies at the theater; THANK YOU! For everyone else, I ask you to stop. Maybe after a few of these films tank at the box-office, they’ll stop making them, or at least send them straight to DVD.