CAST THIS: Tarzan

New IPs are being snatched up for film adaptation the moment there’s any hint that they might become popular. Hollywood is desperate to find stories that have already been written, and just need special effects and A-listers to spruce them up. But today we’re reaching to one of the oldest IPs out there.

Tarzan was a star of the silver screen in its early years, and now a new film trilogy is aiming to make him an action hero once more. So that begs the question who should be TARZAN?

It’s interesting to see Tarzan move out of Disney cartoons and Brendan Fraiser comedies and into the serious action genre. The debate over whether or not he can make that move can be had, but that’s not what we’re here for.

Rather, we need to find an actor to play the muscle-bound ape man. Long hair is definitely a plus so we don’t have to put a goofy wig on them, but there aren’t too many Hollywood stars with that hairstyle.

The body is pretty important here, as you’d need someone pretty ripped since they’ll spend the vast majority of the film wearing naught but a loincloth. As he doesn’t speak for likely a good part of the film, acting would seem to be a secondary condition, but when you think about it, it’s probably even harder to convey emotion using only words, and a poor actor would look pretty goofy doing so.

Last Week: CARRIE

A week ago I reluctantly wrote a column casting the proposed CARRIE remake. The majority of responses were along the lines of “don’t make it” but outside of that, here were your tops picks for the role.

1. Saoirse Ronan (15%) 2. Mia Wasikowska (10%) 3. Deborah Ann Woll (8%)

All good choices, particularly the first two. Both Ronan and Wasikowska have the same look as Sissy Spacek’s original, though there may need to be some hair dye involved.

Deborah Ann Woll of True Blood fame may be a natural redhead already, but I think she may be less suited for the role as she’s almost too hot for it. I think she plays her part fine, but I don’t think she’s a better choice than the other two.

Alright, how about Tarzan?