Awfully Good: ThanksKilling 3

November 21st 2012, 1:01am

Last Updated on August 5, 2021

ThanksKilling 3 (2012)

Director: Jordan Downey
Stars: Daniel Usaj, Jordan Downey, Kevin Stewart

THANKSKILLING 2 was the worst movie ever made and as a result every copy has been destroyed… except one. Now Turkie, the killer bird from the original THANKSKILLING, is on a quest to track down the last Blu-Ray and use it to conquer humanity.

There’s a scene in THANKSKILLING 3 that I think is a pretty good indicator of whether or not you should watch this movie. Our heroes—a little puppet girl, a human dressed in colonial garb, and a gangta rappin’ grandma (also a puppet)—are cornered by the evil Turkie and his son Nibla, whose spirit has been resurrected in a Blu-Ray case for THANKSKILLING 2. Just then, a transgendered space worm named Rhonda and her robot sidekick M.U.F.F. burst through the wall to help fight the turkey (and accuse him of fathering her illegitimate love child). A battle ensues…

When BIRDEMIC and THANKSKILLING combined forces it meant doom for humanity.

For those wondering if they’ve been in a tryptophanic daze since the first movie, THANKSKILLING 2 doesn’t actually exist. This might be the first time a franchise has skipped its own sequel for a punchline. And that’s just one of the reasons you have to give credit to the makers of THANKSKILLING 3 for just going for it. Like, really going for it. As is the case with most horror sequels, they could’ve just rehashed the first one, but director Jordan Downey and Co. throw back a few shots, smoke a couple joints and go for broke. The results are a mixed bag this time around, but we’ll give them an A for effort.

Why yes, that is a man holding on to a puppet being attacked by a killer turkey who’s getting sucked into an Ass Vortex.

Where to begin when describing this movie? THANKSKILLING 3 is a meta-critical acid trip of a flick, something that’s even more juvenile, random and bizarre than the first movie. There’s a sitcom segment, musical sequences (ugh, dubstep), an infomercial, and even a children’s cartoon (starring Clitoris Cat!). But mainly, it’s about puppets. I guess the creators thought the original film worked because of the crappy turkey effects, because this time the entire movie is like a self-referential NC-17 version of The Muppets.

Saturday morning cartoons just aren’t the same anymore.

And that’s where it lost me. Turns out, 99 minutes of LSD Puppet Theater is my limit. It’s not like the original took itself seriously in any way (read our review here), but THANKSKILLING 3 is still quite a leap. Imagine if after the first CHILD’S PLAY they went straight to SEED OF CHUCKY. Some parts are fun (everything with Turkie) but major chunks of the movie come off like a rejected Adult Swim show—impossible to get through without being totally baked. There’s a space vortex in a robot’s anus, a FrankenTurkey named Blarth, rats who smell their own farts, and a final battle that turns in to an 8-bit video game for absolutely no reason. Granted I probably wasn’t in the right “state of mind” to consume this, but it still straddles the line between trying too hard and being downright stupid.

Even transgender space worms are participating in Movember!

I wasn’t sure if “I don’t have a Ph.D in ass vortexes!” worked out of context, so instead enjoy this foul-mouthed grandma and a couple bad one-liners from Turkie.

Some turkey kills, an EVIL DEAD homage and the bizarre video game ending.

Porn star Wanda Lust returns to open the film topless once again.

Gobble gobble, motherf*cker! Buy this movie here!

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