Seth Rogen has to deal with a sorority in NEIGHBORS 2 this week, but at least it isn't THIS sorority…
Director: David DeCoteau
Stars: Linnea Quigley, Brinke Stevens, Michelle Bauer
After getting caught spying on their spanktastic hazing initiation, three horny nerds are forced to accompany a group of sorority girls to the local bowling alley to steal a trophy—a trophy that just happens to be the home of a mischievous demon imp.
Sometimes a great title is all you need. I don't know who wouldn't want to immediately watch a movie called SORORITY BABES IN THE SLIMEBALL BOWL-O-RAMA, but it sure as hell isn't me.
The LIFE OF PI sequel gained a lot of supporters when they decided to set it on a college booze cruise.
Whatever you’re looking for—cheesy 80s horror, unintentional laughs, cheap puppetry, a little girl-on-girl paddling action—SORORITY BABES has it all. In case the title isn't obvious enough, director David DeCoteau clearly embraced the campiness here and it definitely shows. The entire production is unapologetically low-budget, from the rubber-made villain to the laughable makeup effects and costumes. The title sorority even only has 5 members, presumably because hiring additional extras would’ve been too expensive.
I went to the wrong parties in college.
Like so many movies before it, this one starts off with a group of college dorks trying to get laid. The trio stops by a sorority house, where they stumble upon a scene straight out of a porno—an initiation ceremony where scantily clad girls get paddled by their sisters. This is generously followed by something called "Whipped Cream Delight" and a completely gratuitous scene where the girls shower together to clean up said dairy product. Even though they have a perfectly good hiding spot outside, the boys still decide to sneak inside AND upstairs to the shower. (Technically this violates numerous laws involving breaking and entering and invasion of privacy, but since it was the 1980s, it's all harmless fun!) When they eventually get caught, instead of calling the cops, the head of the sorority punishes the guys by forcing them to spend time alone with the women they were just spying on by escorting them to the mall. That'll teach 'em!
I went to the wrong bowling alleys in college.
It's a laughable setup just to get everyone to the title location, but once they arrive at the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama, the movie takes off. First, the gang runs in to Spider, a scantily-clad female thief who goes after the big money at bowling alleys and arcades. She helps the clueless kids steal their desired trophy, only for one of them to accidentally drop it and unleash…the Imp! The Imp is a diminutive, jive-talkin’ demon who insists that everyone affectionately refers to him as Uncle Impie. He's so happy to be released from the bowling trophy that he offers to grant each person a wish. But as cinematic precedent has shown us, this ends very poorly for all involved. After teasing everyone with their hearts desires, the Imp starts possessing people, turning one girl in to the Bride of Frankenstein and another in to a lingerie-wearing nympho, and killing off teens one by one. (Highlights include a guy getting his face French fried and another getting his head ripped off and used as a bowling ball.) So it's up to Spider and the horny nerd who looks like Christopher Reeve to save the day.
"We found the Imp’s weakness! Quick, turn in to teenage Christopher Reeve!"
Sound like fun? Horror fans will also be pleased to know that the cast includes three famous 80s scream queens in memorable roles: Linnea Quigley (RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD), Brinke Stevens (SLAVE GIRLS FROM BEYOND INFINITY) and Michelle Bauer (ATTACK OF THE 60 FOOT CENTERFOLD). There's also a random redneck janitor played by John Carpenter favorite George"'Buck" Flower, who exists solely to provide exposition and give the kids the Imp's ludicrous back story. (Thirty years prior, a man who was ridiculed for his bad bowling skills used black magic to conjure up an imp to kill all his critics and make him the best bowler.) The janitor also gets the best pre-death one-liner ever.
"Heeeey, you guuuuuys!"
But without a doubt, the best part of SORORITY BABES IN THE SLIMEBALL BOWL-O-RAMA—a movie with a college girl spanking party—is Uncle Impie. As executed, the tiny villain is a thing of genius and truly one of the great 80s horror villains. For one, he’s a cheap rubber puppet whose mouth barely moves and seems to have a permanent case of derp-face. Since he has to remain stationary while all the action is going on, the Imp just stays in one spot and yells random comments and one-liners at the kids as they die. It's a thing of beauty. And then there’s the genius voicework by Dukey Flyswatter (SURF NAZIS MUST DIE). Aside from having the most epic stagename imaginable, Flyswatter brilliantly brings Impie to life with a foul-mouthed attitude and so many memorable lines that it elevates this underrated cult classic to must-watch status.
The Imp's most memorable lines.
The film's sexiest parts and the best kills. (NSFW)
Spanking, gratuitous shower scenes and a girl who gets turned in to a busty nymphomaniac.
Want to get paddled? Buy this movie here!
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Thanks to Hayden and Felix for suggesting this week's movie!
Also opening this week is ANGRY BIRDS: THE MOVIE, a mobile app videogame turned movie (yup, that happened). In anticipation of said adaptation, we're taking a look back at another videogame adaptation, one that didn't fare so well at the box office and kind of killed the momentum of the franchise for a long time. Yes, we're talking about Mortal Kombat: Annihilation, the sequel to the cheesy/fun original that somehow managed to recapture…none of that goofy magic. Cue the techno music and enjoy this week's video column for Awfully Good Movies!
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