Jaws 3-D (1983)

Director: Joe Alves
Stars: Dennis Quaid, Louis Gossett Jr., Bruce the Shark

This week, everyone's favorite amnesiac fish Dory is gonna "just keep swimming" to find her lost family in FINDING DORY, so let us mark the occasion with a movie starring everyone's favorite killer fish… JAWS 3-D! Yep, Universal not only had the balls to make yet another sequel to Steven Spielberg's legendary blockbuster, but also filmed it…in glorious 3D! (The red-and-blue type of 3D that made you dizzy, mind you, not the AVATAR-type 3D.) But when you take away the 3D, does this tale of a killer shark who manages to destroy SeaWorld even more than the movie BLACKFISH hold up to its predecessor? Well, don't worry…y'all know who I am, know how I earn a livin'. I'll catch that 3-D shark for ya…the head, the tail, the whole damn thing. Just as long as I don't have to review JAWS: THE REVENGE…because fuck that movie, for real.