Assassins

	Review Date: Director: Richard Donner Writer: Andy Wachowski, Larry Wachowski, Brian Helgeland Producers: Richard Donner, Bruce A. Evans, Andrew Lazar… Actors: Sylvester Stallone Antonio Banderas Julianne Moore

Eh. If I had to describe this movie in two words, I’d say “long” and “boring”. If I had to describe it further, I’d say that this is a film which lacks suspense. It does however, have a cool premise (young hitman out to get old hitman), but unfortunately they toss in this half-assed plotline about some “disk” (how many movies involve a damn disk…enough already!!), some international angles (for no reason) and one of the most contrived endings that I’ve seen in my lifetime (they just HAPPEN to be at the same bank that another hitman was at 15 YEARS AGO, and the same building, and the same room…ugh…gimme a break).

Another problem I had with this film was the lack of chemistry between Stallone and Banderas. They seemed to be playing in different movies and acting against themselves. Banderas was pretty fun as the “wacky” over-the-top killer, but he was just a little too “out there” and ended up being quite cartoonish most of the time (I did like the fact that he was “acting with his hair” though– good move…and GREAT hair!!). Stallone, on the other hand, barely said three words during the entire picture, and when he did, he was usually alone, talking to his laptop, explaining his motivations to the audience. Nice!

I usually dig Stallone in his “cold” demeanor, but he was a friggin’ ICICLE in this flick. I barely got ANYTHING out of the man. Add Julianne Moore into the mix, playing a “quirky” girl who gets thrown into this thing accidentally (give her a cat and call her “Elektra”– the kids will go for it!), and an ever stupider “twist” at the end, and I can’t say that this film is worth much…even on video/dvd.

And is there any reason why Dick Donner decided to pace this one over 2 hours and 10 minutes?? Dude, your story ended about 40 minutes ago…cut some shite out~!

Skip this boring hitman flick, and rent THE PROFESSIONAL, ENEMY AT THE GATES or GANGSTER NO. 1 instead.

PS: The opening scene of this film is a pretty good one though. The one featuring Stallone walking through the swamps with another man. Tight

Assassins

Assassins

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