After the Sunset

A world-class diamond thief and his
super-sexy-hottie partner pull off one last major job and decide to retire to
paradise island and live happily off their earnings. But can a man whose
expertise in a field that makes him the envy of all men, including a wanting FBI
agent, really ever quit his passion? With Salma Hayek in a bikini on your
bed…I see no reason why he can’t. Then again, I’m not Pierce Brosnan and
the last experience I had with a diamond included the words “You suck” and
“You can’t even afford to buy me a…!”. Well, you get the picture.

My understanding is that as a
tribute to master filmmaker Stanley Kubrick and his classic DR. STRANGELOVE…,
the makers of this movie initially wanted to title it AFTER THE SUNSET or HOW WE
COULD SHOW AS MUCH OF SALMA HAYEK’S BODY WITHOUT ACTUALLY SHOWING ANY NUDITY,
but decided against it, since it would take up too much space on the poster (and
cut away from Hayek’s hotness on that as well). All that to say that if you
enjoy “safe”, “cute” and not altogether original or surprising capers
filled with a variety of scenes featuring the lovely Ms. Hayek in a number of
revealing outfits, including plenty of bikinis and “bending over” shots,
this puff-piece from director Brett Ratner might just fill your stomach if
hungry for that type of meal. If, on the other hand, you saw James Bond on the
poster and thought that the film might actually come through as a nail-biting
thriller with twists and turns that you didn’t see coming, I’m sorry to
report that this is nothing like that, and that you would likely be quite
disappointed if you go in, believing it to be a serious-minded heist flick.
Everything in this movie looks gorgeous though (particularly Ms. Hayek’s
luscious boobies), especially its locations, all of which are breathtakingly
infectious and make you just want to quit your job and take a long-ass vacation
down to the Caribbean—that is, if you could afford to quit and do that sort of
thing, of course. The actors also seemed to be having fun and it was nice to
Woody Harrelson back on the big screen, despite portraying one of the goofiest
FBI agents ever created on film (stick around for the final scene and note his
“hemp” pants…nice!).

Brosnan is Brosnan, the
charming, sly, mysterious and all-around semi-boring lead with a 3-day shave
intact throughout the entire movie and enough hair on his chest to compete
against Robin Williams and Alec Baldwin in the chest-hair Olympics. His
chemistry with “lover” Hayek is also entirely absent, but they’re fun to
watch “pretending” to be in love, at least. Action-wise, other than the
film’s potent opening, there really isn’t much at all, with much of the film
focusing on Brosnan’s temptation to steal again and everyone’s attempt to
either get him to steal again, or get him not to steal again. That said, I was
never really bored throughout the movie, and appreciated many of its more
superficial assets including the aforementioned umpteen shots of Ms. Hayek and
her wondrous gifts from God, the goofy humor injected by Harrelson, the awesome
locales and gorgeous beaches, Pierce Brosnan’s chest-hair and the generally
semi-interesting plot-line, which semi-surprised me only once throughout, and
even then, not by much (this ain’t David Mamet stuff, folks). Basically,
it’s a “cute” date movie or video rental that is likely to be appreciated
by most anyone on an aesthetic front, and likely entertain most enough to be
satisfied as you walk out of the theater, but not fulfilling enough to restrain
in your memory banks for over an hour after the movie is done. Especially after
you “do your business” following the viewing. Wow.

(c) 2021 Berge Garabedian