You Die (Movie Review)

Last Updated on August 5, 2021

PLOT: After lending a complete stranger her phone, Asia (Erica Landolfi) becomes stuck with a new augmented reality app that lets you see the dead. The only downside is that it kills you after twenty-four hours. The lesson here is NEVER lend your phone to anyone and don’t talk to strangers.

LOWDOWN: It's been a while since I've given an Italian horror movie a watch and was curious to see if YOU DIE (WATCH IT HERE – OWN IT HERE) would bring something new to the table. I'm usually not into tech-horror (BLACK MIRROR being the current exception), but I love STRANGE DAYS and BRAIN SCAN so it's possible to win me over. This starts on the right foot with a frightened woman (Carola Cudemo) sitting on a subway platform while a mean-mugging spirit brandishing a hammer hustles towards her. Not a bad start. And this aggressive "ghost" approach got me eager for more. The only problem was this wasn't the style or tone that the rest of the movie follows, and it ends up being a cruel trick to hook you in. I would have loved if this flick was more visceral, but it went for more of a slow build with jump scares as its key tactic.

"Smartphone horror" seems like an idea specifically for the teen horror audience, yet every character in YOU DIE is at least in their early to mid-thirties. It's kind of off-putting at first but ends up saving this movie from becoming a soulless bargain-bin affair. Plotwise it's a low-grade jump scare horror movie. Still, the Italians are classy f*cks, so I found myself relating a bit more with the adult characters that could make (somewhat) reasonable decisions. It's a strange thing to admit out loud and makes me wonder if I'm ten years away from yelling kids off my lawn, but I digress. It's not a great sell that the best thing offered here is that adults make for less irritating characters than teens, but for a movie that plays it safer than a current college campus, It's the best that I can offer you. The whole story is the epitome of "been there, done that."

YOU DIE relies on having the app downloaded on YOUR phone. This leads to more than a few instances where I was yelling at my TV. Maybe it's because I live in a major city, but who the f*ck lets a stranger use their phone? And if you do, why would you not watch them like a hawk? This would have worked better if the app was shown to a character as something new or even creepy (RING style), but this direction just took me out of the story. The amount of suspension of disbelief to get me to believe an adult would let anyone use their phone long enough to download an app is more than I can give. It's a weird sticking point, but if one part in your three-way plan fails, then everything crumbles down. Eva (Cudemo) asks for her ex's phone, then proceeds to go in the other room and shut the door while her dude sits there, twiddling his thumbs. I'm sorry, but what? I just can't engage with behavior this unbelievable, and worse yet, it's the catalyst for the entire story!

As generic as the plot is, the actors do a damn fine job here. Asia (Erica Landolfi) is fantastic as the hysterical protagonist. Her reactions (besides giving away her phone) were passionate and realistic. I felt for her as someone losing their mind. The rules dictate you must get the app downloaded on someone else's phone to buy yourself some time before the spirits eventually get you. The moral dilemma that Asia struggles with worked for me. To kill or be killed was a fun idea, even if they didn't go far enough. It takes a solid actress to sell pain, and I got to give major props to Landolfi for delivering. Her cute roommate Viola (Alice Piano), plays a supportive and compassionate role, and I wish we got more of her(for more than one reason). Piano and Landolfi have a playful chemistry and seem like genuine friends. It's a small win, but it made for a pleasant time when these two were on the screen.

I think of myself as a "young gun" with a few good years left in me, but after watching YOU DIE, I can't help but think that my time has passed. Do I need to come to terms with the fact that I'm no longer the demographic for these movies? YOU DIE is like a homemade stew, only the ingredients come straight out of a box, and all you did was cut up an onion and called it yours. This is THE RING with an app instead of a videotape. You then add a pinch of IT FOLLOWS for good measure and now you have yourself a meal. I've seen this all before but done far better. We get a curse on a piece of media, a time limit that must be stopped and evil spirits that will haunt you till your time is up, then death. YOU DIE wasn't handled poorly, and everything looked up to code, but I just keep thinking how good THE RING was. Then it hit me. RINGU came out twenty-two years ago, while the remake came out eighteen years ago. There is a whole generation that didn't grow up with the Japanese horror boom, and YOU DIE is sneaking in like a thief in the night and taking its spot. Viola does make an awkward RING reference, so maybe this is more intentional. Still, I'm sticking with the target audience being too young to get the similarities, and YOU DIE coasting on a majority of young folks unaware of RINGU or its American remake.

GORE: Nothing. We get some dried blood on the ghosts themselves, but the cause of death always ends up being cardiac arrest.

BOTTOM LINE: For a younger crowd, this may be a fun little movie. It's competently directed, acted, and all-around nothing is especially terrible. I hope it finds some success with a teen or pre-teen audience, but I'm too damn old for this to do anything for me. I kept hoping for a twist or some third act event that would separate YOU DIE from the hundreds of other similar plots, but I got exactly what I expected—nothing awful, but nothing exciting either. Walking from the L-train to my job, I get asked daily for my phone, cash, or food. I'll hook anyone up with a sandwich if your hungry, but it'll be a cold day in hell before I give you my phone. So it looks like I'll never have to worry about a cursed mobile app. That's a win for The Iceman!