WTF Happened to Private Parts?

Last Updated on March 5, 2024

Howard Stern has been one of the most controversial – and revered – figures in the history of modern media. With a passion for the field as a child, Stern’s climb to the top of the radio world truly began in the ‘80s. And he did it off of his unique, button-pressing, FCC-clashing brand and humor: the boobs, the prank calls, the Wack Pack, all of it all made Howard Stern one of the most recognizable figures in all of media. And so as his markets grew and his written word topped the charts – but long before his first $500 million contract with Sirius – it was time for Stern to enter the movie business…with something a little more commercially viable than BUTT BONGO FIESTA.

So how did the guy who mocked his wife’s miscarriage on the air and flipped the bird to nearly every boss he’s ever had even get his own shot in Hollywood? How did he micromanage his own book into a motion picture? How did he further solidify himself as the King of All Media? Let’s find out: WTF Happened to this movie?!

Private Parts began, as with so many movies, with a fart. Well, a Fartman, Howard Stern’s flatulent superhero who you might remember from the 1992 VMAs. That same year, there were plans at New Line Cinema to make The Adventures of Fartman with Pretty Woman’s J.F. Lawton writing, which was eventually shelved over PG-13 vs. R debates and merchandising rights. 

And then came Howard Stern’s private parts – the book that is, a 1993 New York Times Best Seller that was the “fastest selling autobiography of all time”. Set up at Rysher Entertainment, the book would be fast-tracked into production as Stern’s feature debut, with the shock jock getting linked to the likes of Paramount producer David Kirkpatrick, director John G. Avildsen (Rocky) and screenwriter Peter Torokvei (since changed to PJ), whose credits included Back to School and Caddyshack II.

Torokvei would complete the script – which would cover Stern’s youth up until around 1993 – but it was not approved by Stern, who had worked final screenplay approval into his contract. As it turns out, this would be one of nearly two dozen drafts that Stern rejected, citing how boring they were becoming with each subsequent rewrite. But we’re still not sure what’s so boring about Richard Simmons running around Stern’s house in a pink tutu and Stern riding an elephant down Fifth Avenue, both events in drafts and part of studio pitches. In would come, at various points, “Private Parts” book editor Larry Sloman, Michael Kalesniko, Laurice Elehwany (the My Girl movies), and TV writer Rick Copp. By November 1994, Avildsen was fed up with all of the rewrites and bailed – although his career could have used a hit after two consecutive Razzie nominations. As Kirkpatrick put it,  “To say Howard is difficult is an understatement.”

Three months later, Stern had yet to formally approve a shooting script, leading to speculation as to whether the movie would even come out, that he might be nervous that it wouldn’t be a success. Stern had genuine concerns over how his story would be told, saying the script had to avoid any “sugarcoating”, that it had to be real and bring both sides of his personality to the screen. “I wanted the movie to feel like there was a camera hidden in the room somewhere and you were eavesdropping on my life.” Stern would rehire hired Kalesniko and bring in Len Blum (Meatballs, Stripes), who wasn’t initially a fan of Stern, calling him “dangerous”, but wound up liking him after realizing he had laughed harder than he had in 20 years after meeting him. He, too, imagined the movie like “the Annie Hall of the ‘90s” — and while it did hit on the comedy-romance and had protagonist interjections, unfortunately, there were no animated sequences. Stern would also call the project a love letter to his wife…who he would divorce in 2001.

Not long after he lost his director, Stern paired up with Ivan Reitman, not as director but producer. Directorial duties instead would go to Betty Thomas (The Late Shift), and no doubt a female in the role gave Private Parts some extra clout, as Stern was frequently accused of being misogynistic. Thomas wasn’t sure she could stomach him (although her boyfriend was a fan), which was actually a perk as far as Reitman saw it. To her surprise, she was won over by Stern almost immediately.

And so casting could begin on Private Parts. While we all know that the core group – Stern, Robin Ophelia Quivers, Fred Norris, and Jackie Martling – would all play themselves, at one point the studio threatened to hire Jeff Goldblum as the lead, to which Stern responded, “That will be the biggest bomb in history. The Fly as Howard Stern?” (Stern would be played in various adolescent and teenage years by Bobby Boriello, Michael Maccarone and Matthew Friedman). This core group was so close-knit, having shared tight quarters for years, that they would often go on tangents during filming, with Thomas saying “they would never shut up!”

Two other key roles would go to Mary McCormack as then-wife Allison Stern (Julia Louis-Dreyfus was an early choice) and Paul Gimatti as Pig Vomit aka Kenny Rushton (based on Kevin “Pig Virus” Metheny), who actually beat out Philip Seymour Hoffman. Other supporting roles would be rounded out by the likes of Allison Janney, Richard Portnow, Kelly Bishop, Michael Murphy, Carol Alt, and even a young Sarah Hyland, who plays one of Stern’s daughters.

And who can forget the Wack Pack, with Crackhead Bob and Nicole Bass turning up. Sadly, Hank the Angry Drunken Dwarf didn’t meet Stern until around the time filming wrapped. There, too, is Gary “Baba Booey” Dell’Abate in a small role — casual fans would ask why he wasn’t more prominent in Private Parts, not knowing they didn’t meet until after the events in the movie. David Letterman even reenacted an interview segment from the ‘80s but refused to wear a time-appropriate wig, while porn star Jenna Jameson was so comfortable being naked that she grabbed grub at the craft service table completely nude! There, too, are cameos from “Stuttering John” Melendez, Mia Farrow, Ozzy, Ted Nugent, Slash, John Stamos, and so many more. And behind the scenes a young Eli Roth worked as a production assistant, tinkering with a script during down time that would eventually become Cabin Fever.

With a budget pegged between $25-28 million, filming on Private Parts began on May 2nd, 1996. The first scenes shot (actually two months before principal photography) were Dell’Abate’s, which are interspersed throughout the story. The first day for Stern, however, was more trying than getting women to take their tops off, finding the filmmaking process incredibly slow and boring. It took a few days for him to get acclimated and another couple weeks to get the feel for being in front of the camera, so obsessed that he would constantly want to rewatch his scenes on the playback monitor. This was one of director Thomas’ greatest challenges: getting the star to not be camera-shy (hey, he does have a face for radio…). But despite saying it was “not an easy shoot”, Thomas pulled it off, getting what is undoubtedly one of the best performances by someone playing themselves. Over time, she even said they would have been a “hot couple”! Hey, it makes more sense than him and Beth…Still, even when he did finally loosen up, Stern would ad-lib too much, forcing Thomas to make him stick to the script. Another instance of Thomas’ directing tactics was when she couldn’t get the right reaction when Allison tells Howard she’s pregnant. To finally nail it, she told Stern she had ovarian cancer, getting just the sort of response she needed.

But Stern was also putting in the work, insisting on sheer authenticity. Many interiors were shot at Silvercup Studios in New York, with replicas of Stern’s early booths produced. In these, he had to make sure everything on the boards worked so he could hear himself, as would be the case when he’s actually on air. He even studied his own voice from his college days of DJing to get what Ben Stern would call “proper modulation.”

Stern, too, would work tremendously strenuous and draining hours, showing up some of Hollywood’s biggest prima donnas, always a target of mockery on his show. Production took place around the greater New York area not just for authenticity but to match Stern’s schedule, as he hosted his show every single morning (mind you, this was before he became a part-time basement dweller). Since his show started at 6:00 a.m., that meant 4:00 a.m. wakeup calls for Stern, nothing new for him. What was was that shooting nights mostly put him in bed by 9 p.m. but some were scheduled to end as late as 2 a.m.

After some minor delays, filming on Private Parts would end in August…although some reshoots would be necessary, causing Stern to delay rhinoplasty, although he still got surgery done before all of them were done. Tragically for Stern, there is still one shot in the movie that he objects to because of the way his schnoz looks. Oh, and for those wondering, yes, that is a metal stunt penis used for Stern’s erection scene.

The first cut of Private Parts reportedly clocked in at two and a half hours. It would end up being trimmed to an agreeable 109 minutes, but no doubt Stern acolytes want the director’s cut. Perhaps shockingly, test screenings for Private Parts were wildly successful, with Paramount saying scores were as high as they had seen since Forrest Gump.

Private Parts would have its world premiere on February 27th, 1997 at Madison Square Garden, with Porno for Pyros and Rob Zombie performing, with the latter giving a rendition of “The Great American Nightmare”, which would become Stern’s theme song on his radio show. The event, fittingly, was called “the quintessential, insane New York event”.

Private Parts opened on March 7th, 1997, debuting at #1 with $14.6 million, topping Disney’s Jungle 2 Jungle and even the special edition of The Empire Strikes Back (then in its third week). It would eventually gross $41.2 million, making it a success, something Stern had gotten well used to in his career.

Riding off of this, Stern and company took his show to the Cannes Film Festival to promote the movie in the international market…with a 40-foot inflatable recreation of the poster. And – also as he had grown accustomed to – Stern attracted widespread attention, this time from foreign dignitaries. Such a stunt caught the eye of then-French president Jacques Chirac, who reportedly objected outright. As such, Rhyser Entertainment reps deflated the naked Stern upon request…blowing it back up once the president left!

Although Stern didn’t get the Oscar like he did in the end credits, he did get nominated for the Worst New Star Razzie, but “lost” to Dennis Rodman in Double Team. He, too, would snag a Golden Satellite nomination. In 2000, the American Film Institute even nominated it as one of the funniest movies ever, making it one of the more recent (for the time) recognitions.

Private Parts wasn’t just the perfect movie for Howard Stern fans and a hit with critics; it landed remarkably well on network TV, too, which might be surprising considering it has an onscreen female orgasm, a kielbasa queen and Fred Norris in a bathtub. The month after it premiered, USA paid $7 million for the TV rights; in this version (which wasn’t altered in the traditional sense), Stern recorded additional footage providing commentary on the censorship, which was mostly bleeped naughty words and blurred naughty bits.

As with the book, Private Parts kept Howard Stern on top as the King of All Media. And while a sequel almost feels natural, those days are long gone as Stern hits 70 in 2024. Instead, we almost got something far less warranted: an animated series called Howard Stern: The High School Years. But he was a star, even reportedly tied to a Melanie Griffith movie and the role of Scarecrow in the never-produced Batman Triumphant. He, too, was offered the role of Bradley Cooper’s brother in A Star Is Born. Now there’s something even more frightening than his wet tighty-whities!