Last Updated on July 26, 2021
As Spring hits it is hard not to have your mind turn to nubile flesh and all the things that can be done with it. Like eating it!
Not like that you pervs. I’m talking about a more wholesome pursuit – cannibalism! Nothing like some human on human snacking to really put perspective on what’s important. Namely not getting your ass eaten by psycho foodies with non-discriminating palates.
Not much else to say but this, if you see any of these f*ckers walking your way, run away fast. And as always, if I miss a favorite flesh eater of yours, then spit some bullets and help rectify the situation.
Hard to imagine any roadtrip that hasn’t been affected by a firm determination not to end up fodder for some creepy, off-road, inbred clan that you have the misfortune to run into. And we can all basically thank Tobe Hooper for that. Taking a largely ridiculous concept and turning it into a common fear is some serious business.
This underappreciated gem is one of the first films on the list to deal with cannibalism as a non-survival choice. In this case it’s all wrapped up with the Native American Wendigo mythology, and really comes down to what would you do for power. Almost a vampire story, but much more brutal. And listening to Ives taunt Boyd as they are dying together at the end, promising to eat Boyd as soon as he dies, is a fittingly f*cked up ending to a relentlessly f*cked up movie.
It takes all kinds of critters to make Farmer Vincent’s fritters! Easily the most “fun” flick featuring cannibalism, this is another case where a “secret ingredient” turns innocent people into human flesh cravers. Certainly this should make you all much more careful about buying any roadside proteins. Unless of course you’re hoping to get lucky.
Obviously Dr. Lecter is the most famous and popular cannibal in movie history. He noshes on the rude, inconsiderate, and just plain untalented. The creepiest thing here is that he’s looking at you, me, and everyone around us as a potential delicacy. Nothing more. Just kind of a flesh-filled truffle. Given how fastidious he is, I do wonder what kind of toothpaste gets the taste of human out of your mouth.
In the history of terrifying motherf*ckers, who’d a thunk that Elijah Wood would have a place at the top of the list. But he does. His portrayal of Kevin in Sin City is one of the most eerie things I’ve ever seen. Not only is he brutal and cold in life, but in death he manages to be even scarier, smiling away as he’s eaten by dogs. We are talking significant soul damage captured perfectly on film.
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